Once I passed, my family decided that I’d get over my fears by forcing me to drive, every single day, for weeks, with the whole family in the car, yelling, mocking me…

As I’m sure you’re well aware, this is not only a massive dick move, but the worst way possible to “help” someone in your position learn. It’s a training method I actively discourage at work, as someone who’s nervous should be allowed to focus on the task at hand and not have to worry about making their trainer angry. I’m a quality inspector who directly observes and evaluates indivuals performing work, and I’ve found it’s almost always best to back off and remain quiet unless a clear safety issue presents itself. I am utterly and completely baffled by their choices, that was an unforgivably stupid way to handle the situation, and I hope you’re doing okay.

This is, as others have mentioned, a time to take things in small steps. Drive in off peak hours, small distances, and at average speeds until you build confidence. Adopt a mantra of “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast” as you develop skills and gain confidence in new situations. So long as you’re not impeding traffic, you’re under no obligation to meet or exceed the speed limit, tailgate, run yellow lights, or do any of the other bullshit things sloppy and impatient drivers often do. Worry about yourself and your car, drive defensively, and remember you aren’t responsible for someone getting upset just because you drive safely.

This isn’t exposure therapy for anxiety, and thrusting someone into a situation that makes them deeply uncomfortable never helps. Instead, think of it as practice and skill development. Confidence and reduced stress will build with time as patterns and skills are reinforced, but only if you develop your abilities at a natural pace instead of forcing the issue.

There is such good advice here. I’ll add a little more.

Background: I’ve been driving for over 20 years. I used to do long distance drives (8+ hours daily), over mountain passes, fog, rain, snow, darkness, you name it.

Recently had some of the most stressful times in my life, and I’ve been having panic attacks behind the wheel. This was about 5 months ago, so I’ve worked my, way back to driving 4h in a day in city and on highway.

What really helped me get back to driving again was starting really slow. I used to be so afraid of even thinking about getting behind the wheel again, so I’d start by just sitting in it. Get comfortable and take as long as you need. Remember - you’re in control. You control, not the car, not your panic. Self talk helped me a lot. Once you overcome this, you level up.

Next, I had my partner (find someone you trust who is going to support you not make fun or mock you) with me, and we would do short drives on a familiar route that didn’t involve big streets or highways. This way, I can pull over at any time.

A little thing that did help me was a little heat pack in my pocket or lap. When I felt a panic attack threatening to come on, my hands get cold so I hold on to the heat pack. I’d also remember to breathe deep through my belly, because sometimes I realise I’m taking only shallow breaths through my chest only. My psychologist also mentioned that temperature helps, especially cold… So maybe an ice pack wrapped in a towel on your lap might help too.

When we do our grocery drives, we take the same route all the time. He wouldn’t ask me to drive, he would always assume that he’s driving, and I’ll ask when I’m ready. This support person shouldn’t be pressuring you at all. You are in control.

Eventually, you get comfortable with the patterns, and you can slowly move up from that. I’m driving in my own again without heat packs or my partner beside me.

I’m not too sure about the height thing and what can be safely used, so I’m sorry I can’t provide any suggestions. Someone did say a cushion, and I imagine there are things out there that strap securely to the seat and you’d be able to use safely.

It’ll take a lot of time, but you can overcome your fears. I felt so helpless and hopeless when I first had to put my car keys down, but it feels so good to have a set of wheels again. It offers so much more freedom. The end goal is being comfortable and confident driving. You are stronger than you think. 💪

Many others here have good advice, but one of the things I’ll also mention is to do some practice with a friend in the parking lot. Have them stand in your blind spots and try to work with your mirrors to reduce them. Get used to driving around them at low speeds and they can call out to help you navigate.

Knowing the size of your vehicle is super helpful for managing it in traffic and knowing how close people actually are relative to your own car.

Another one is finding a large enough space that you can get your car going around 15-30 mph and do some hard steering and braking so you know how the car will react. You shouldn’t need to go much faster to get a good feel of how the cars suspension handles under load. If you can’t get comfortable making quick corrections in a controlled space, you won’t be prepared in an actual emergency.

Practice is everything and knowing your limits is just as important.

My mom got her license at 45 and didn’t feel comfortable behind the wheel until she was at least in her mid 50s, so all I can say is congrats and don’t worry, it should become more natural to you as time goes by. 👍

Thank you for the encouragement ❤️

Good responses here already, just wanted to try and address the airbag concerns a little. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (part of the US Department of Transportation) has a page about them here but I’ll pull some quotes:

(From the section about on/off switches)

There are few circumstances under which the risk of sitting in front of an active frontal air bag outweigh the safety benefits… [e.g.] A driver must sit within a few inches of the air bag, typically because she or he is of extremely small stature (i.e., 4 feet 6 inches or less).

(In the FAQ)

To minimize the potential of any air-bag-related injury, NHTSA still recommends keeping a 10-inch minimum between the air bag cover (in the center of the steering wheel for drivers and on the dashboard for the right front passenger) [and the driver’s breastbone]

Maybe going out with a ruler / tape measure to see how much distance you have to work with will provide a little peace of mind. On the other hand, if you are short enough to qualify for the on/off switch exception (more info on the page linked above), that’s something else to consider. If you’re outside the USA, check your local laws to see if they have restrictions on airbag toggle switches and, if so, a way to get an exception similar to what’s described by the NHTSA.

Others have good advice. But my advice is literally to just go do it (without your family in the car). Pick a place to go and drive there, just on slow neighborhood streets if need be. Just racking up hours behind the wheel is gonna be 90% of the solution.

Find some very large empty parking lots to just mess around with. Put outs like paper bags or things that you can run over with your wheels, maybe some water balloons. Practice control and precision. If you find a open enough space there’s no real risk

I finally got my license at 27. I HATED driving, found it difficult to multitask and just the constant adrenaline made me miserable.

I got over it because I had to after moving too far away from work to continue commuting by bike. At first I stuck to driving short, known routes. It eventually becomes muscle memory and the anxiety will lessen. I just wanted to let you know you can do it. It will suck but you’ll get there.

As someone who has always absolutely loved driving, I can only suggest harmless fun.

I prescribe a large gravel parking lot, and an afternoon ripping doughnuts.

I really recommend a defensive driving course. You are able to learn with a professional on a closed circuit with controlled conditions and are able to be 1000% safe in being able to test the your limits and learn without any fear of failure or harm. They get plenty of people that are really a wreck behind a wheel and slowly you start to gain confidence and all the things getting in your head and in the way of simply driving become more second nature because of the atmosphere and setup.

With the things you learn, however little, driving in a road with other cars becomes something you see from a different perspective, a lot of what paralyses you will fall away because you have so much more experience with just driving a car and you will be able to focus on the basics like driving straight and behind other cars within the limits of the rules of the road. If not, at the very least you will find a new passion for vehicles off the road and on a track. It is worth all the money and more and very much a compliment to any traditional driving schools or instructors as it’s putting you IN control.

Just trying is a good first step. You don’t need to finish it. Just try and see how it goes.

Maybe try to spend time in your car just sitting. Then getting comfortable with your seat position. Then put things around your car to get some imagination of your actual blindspots. Then maybe driving and practicing in empty parking lots.

Then when you’re actually comfortable maybe get a good instructor who can spend time with you and get you comfortable on the road.

If it’s not your thing. Then it’s not your thing. That’s cool too.

Also, if you can talk to a therapist. They can give you some good exercises to calm you down and put things into perspective.

I have pretty bad driving anxiety, not quite as bad as what you describe, but enough that I basically avoid driving as much as possible. I’ve been driving for ~10 years now, and it has not gotten better on its own. I think your best option is to talk to a counselor if you need to drive

I remember the advice of “don’t stare at the car in front of you” and “always keep your eyes moving” when I first started out and felt bad because I couldn’t stop doing just that.

So I am going to say it’s okay to be watching the road lines and the distance to the car in front of you. You will with time find your eyes flicking about watchfully but when you are a new driver, it is tough! So don’t be hard on yourself if you find you keep doing those two things— those two things are very important.

If you feel flustered, pull over and sit (safely! Use blinker!). Driving while hyperventilating or crying is no bueno for anyone (been there don’t that). Try driving familiar places till those are second nature to you, then branch out to the city you live.

Sounds to me like you just need a smaller car that can enable you to see better. That helps a lot with confidence.

I wouldn’t be comfortable driving my compact SUV without reversing cameras. Hell, I use the cameras even when parking wherever.