I’m 23 years old, but I look 14. I always looked younger than my age, even when I was in school. I’m 167 cm, which is the standard female height where I live, so I guess it’s my face, something with the shape of the bones, I dont know. I am sincerely convinced that this is the main reason why men have never approached me. I’m also quite socially awkward and not very pretty, but that’s usually not a problem for other girls, so I think it all comes down to my child-like features. I’ve never seen men look at me with desire, or that they’ve ever been shy when talking to me. I feel completely desexualized and lonely and I suffer so much because of it. This problem sounds so stupid and absurd, but that’s what I’m dealing with… At the very least, it’s probably worth being glad that men aren’t so attracted to childish features in reality…

Sorry if this post is too messy, I don’t feel well while I’m writing this.

  • daggermoon@lemmy.world
    2·
    8 days ago

    Try talking to them, keep a conversation going long enough they’ll realize they’re talking to an adult. Talking and making connections is the most important thing.

  • GuyFawkesV@lemmy.world
    91·
    8 days ago

    Is there anything you can do to make yourself look your age? Makeup, clothing, push-up bra, etc? Maybe go to age restricted locations (for example, in the U.S. there are some bars that require patrons to be at least 18/21 and they check ID’s at the door to verify)?

    • snek_boi@lemmy.ml
      6·
      8 days ago

      This. I’ve seen something relatively similar in my partner. They work with all kinds of people, sometimes people in their 40s, 50s, or beyond. These people, unfortunately, often don’t take my partner seriously. However, this changes when my partner appears older by using old-looking makeup, hair style, and clothes.

  • recentSlinky@lemmy.ca
    1·
    8 days ago

    A lot of the people here gave great advices, but i wanna add a comment. Based on my experiences with the women in my life, most (if not all sometimes) insecurities stem from projection. Which is sadly a problem that amplifies itself.

    It’s not an easy mentality to overcome though but i find knowing this fact, and thinking about it whenever your brain gets all those bad thoughts, can be a good defence. At least it makes it easier to try or start to overcome your insecurities.

    Good luck :)

  • ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world
    4·
    8 days ago

    1. Visible tattoos. Have to be off legal age to get a tattoo, right?

    2. Talk to them. Even if it’s awkward, it’s practice.

  • Bigfishbest@lemmy.world
    513·
    8 days ago

    1. That must be quite frustrating and difficult for your self esteem.

    2. You may be right, but you might be putting your own insecurities on to the motivations of others. The world from other people’s perspective don’t always align with what we think. Could what you describe be as easily explained by something else, perhaps even your insecurity about it?

    3. Have you discussed this issue with friends / family and gotten their honest thoughts? Do they agree that what you say could pose a problem?

    4. Have you attempted to make yourself look older with makeup and such? Are the results the same with as without?

    5. Do you have male friends you can ask if you are attractive?

    6. Are there republican conventions nearby? If the men there show interest and say you’re mature for your age, you may want to A. Run B. Conclude that your features may be a challenge.

    7. If men don’t approach and talk to you, try approaching and talking to them. Showing you’re interested and available is usually a turn on. Men are simple.

    Best of luck.

  • Mothra@mander.xyz
    33·
    8 days ago

    Hello, woman here. I wouldn’t chalk it first hand to child like features. As long as you don’t have an elbow growing from your forehead, and as long as you bathe regularly you should be alright physically. You get a pass so to speak. By all means keep doing whatever you feel is the right thing to do about your looks, but don’t put all the energy there.

    I’d say it’s more your attitude, since you mention being socially awkward. I speak as someone who faced similar woes to yours, with the aggravant of being told to be attractive.

    If you keep to yourself most people will let you be and not bother you. Guys will hit on girls they can talk to and feel comfortable talking to.

    My suggestion would be join a group or activity that you enjoy. Bonus points if it is a group activity, but don’t let this restrict your options. This gives you access to people with similar interests, which already breaks down the ice, and also gives you something to talk about yourself if you meet people elsewhere. It’s helpful when socializing if you have something other than work and study in your life, like a hobby or a passion.

    • alina@lemmy.worldOP
      5·
      8 days ago

      Many people tell me that I look too young, it was difficult for me to find a job because of this, and I regularly encounter disrespect and distrust. Thanks for the advice though, maybe I’m exaggerating, sometimes I’m too exhausted to think straight.

  • gibmiser@lemmy.world
    2·
    8 days ago

    Ever try hanging out at a crowded bar? Anywhere where you have to show id to enter should help.

    Also, do you have female friends? You should be hanging out with them and doing things where you meet people as a group.

      • gibmiser@lemmy.world
        4·
        8 days ago

        I would say your lack of friends is probably more pressing of an issue and likely related to your lack of relationship experience.

        I offer you the same advice as for men. Work on friendships before you worry about intimate relationships. Friends can become relationships, but ideally they don’t and instead you meet people through friends who can vouch for you to their friends that your not psycho or a waste of someone’s time.

      • SpikesOtherDog@ani.socialEnglish
        4·
        8 days ago

        Look for women’s activities and make friends. It’s human nature to see your friends happy, and women are significantly less likely to take advantage of a very young looking woman.

        You should be careful who you tell you don’t look pretty. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. At best it comes off as innocent and someone will see it as weakness to avoid or exploit. At worst it comes off as attention-seeking behavior.

        My intuition as a middle-aged man suggests you may receive several requests to see what you look like. I’d advise ignoring the requests and blocking the weirdos. In fact, while I won’t judge you for liking what you like, I suggest steering clear of older men until you are 30. If you must, bring them around friends (see paragraph 1) and let them help you judge them.

    • Perspectivist@feddit.uk
      13·
      8 days ago

      I thought it was clear as day that this is a fake post. I can’t believe the amount of serious answers here.

      • alina@lemmy.worldOP
        6·
        8 days ago

        Again, why?I have a lot of specific and strange problems that I’m afraid to share with people, but this isn’t even one of the strangest, what’s so unrealistic about it??

    • adhd_traco@piefed.socialEnglish
      11·
      8 days ago

      From my understanding this tag is self-prescribed. She might have miss-clicked it upon account creation and didn’t change it in her profile settings.

    • Pamasich@kbin.earth
      21·
      8 days ago

      Where do you see that?

      • The account type is a ‘Person’ account according to the federated JSON-LD. Bots use a different type.
      • I don’t see your instance claiming it’s a bot on her profile.

      So I’m a bit confused where this screenshot is from.

      If it’s just some random app, I don’t see how it has the information to conclude this is a bot. It’s a brand new account, no other content on it, and the app doesn’t have information on ip and other stuff like that. There’s nothing to go on.

  • zxqwas@lemmy.world
    2·
    8 days ago

    First of all you may be right or wrong about the reason. But you can’t really change looking young (other than by sitting around and waiting, which is not very fun). So you’ll get a lot of mileage by coming to terms with what you look like. For your own peace of mind if nothing else.

    You can artificially change your looks to a limited degree with makeup. I’m no expert.

    Are you putting yourself into positions where it’s socially acceptable and/or easy for men to approach you? Are you looking like you want to be approached? Headphones on while reading in the library makes me think you’ll want me dead if I say hi. Near me at the table at a social gathering it’s rude of me not to introduce myself and attempt some small talk (as long as you’re not talking to your friends already).

  • nodiratime@lemmy.world
    1·
    8 days ago

    You didn’t speak much about body composition: Have you considered going to the gym? Adding a few pounds (of muscle) never hurts anyone and it give you a few curves, I.e. a bigger bottom (width and depth) and a more pronounced waist (to hip ratio). Also, being in shape generally livens up your skin, giving you a more vibrant appearance. Also, it has to the potential to increase your self confidence.

  • serpineslair@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    8 days ago

    Just pluck up the courage to hit on guys… 80% of men will find that in of itself attractive, especially the more shy ones. As another comment said, men are fucking simple.

  • CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org
    4·
    8 days ago

    So, if you were a dude, try to grow a beard and maybe shave your head would be the advice. Aim for a “mature” clothing style is the best I can think of for a lady.

    If you’re interested in getting tattoos, that also signals “probably old enough to drive”.

  • PNW clouds@infosec.pub
    12·
    8 days ago

    This was me. When I got married at 26, the date of one of the guests thought I was the teenaged babysitter. (We met for the first time the day before)

    Dating while in school/college was easier because the guys knew I was their age. And that I just looked young. Some of them caught shit for “dating a high schooler” even though I was actually in my 20s and a college student.

    I was friends with my now husband for three years before we got married. Making friends with people, making a connection, can help them see you as the adult you are. Then you start to look like someone they’d want to date. I was 23 when we met and became friends, we started dating over a year later. Dated for 2 years and married ever since.

    Things are different now, as far as meeting people. I know that. But how people perceptions change is still the same. Sometimes you have to just let people get to know you and get past the initial “She’s young” until they realize you are not that young.

    Once someone knows you, they’ll think of you as their peer, even if you look young (or old for that matter)

    If you just want hookups, that’s trickier. Because the easy pickings are um, questionable in their tastes when you look like a teenager. Or they are the teenagers. Just be careful if you go that route.

    Oh, and I was an A cup, size 2 petite. So skinny and short on top of looking young. I also got mistaken for a boy if my hair was pulled back.

    Learning to love my body and it’s changes through the years, boosting my self-esteem, finding things I could be passionate about… those things are very attractive to others because those things make you feel better about yourself.