Welcome to the club!

Not been diagnosed but absolutely lost my shit recently when friends mugged me off playing tennis, I don’t even care about the result.

I need to go get help

One of my first jobs was at a retail hardware store. We were just a small variation of the main store, but we ended up being number 3 in sales nationwide.
The location had a lot to do with our success, but looking back, I believe that it is due to the first store manager being ADHD and hiring a bunch of ADHD people. Those of us who stuck around for any amount of time became very knowledgeable in our departments, way more than the non-adhd employees. This was before most people had Internet and you couldn’t just go check out YouTube to find out how to do something. So, if you showed one of us unmedicated and largely undiagnosed ADHD employees something new, we would dive into that subject. I had a lot of long talks with professionals and knowledgeable people because I would see them with something I was curious about and would unashamedly ask them about it, and their experience with it. Before long I wasn’t really an expert, but I could tell others what the pros did and why. And with my untreated ADHD, all you needed to do was ask and I would give full knowledge dump on the spot.
I also had no problem with telling people not to buy something because it was crap, or even telling them that they could get a better deal or better product elsewhere. I even made a lot of sales to people who were dismissive or talked shit about our products by being brutally honest about our stuff. Yup, compared to the place down the street that catered to professionals, our products were crap. But for someone using our stuff every couple of weeks or even monthly, they did an acceptable job. And for the price you could buy 2 or 3 of ours compared to the professional version. Which was a big deal once you realized that abuse and lack of maintenance was how most home owners killed things rather than wearing them out. So, you could buy one of the pro ones and it would last 20 years if you took care of it, but the first time you were lazy or forgot to maintain it, you were in for a lot of money or effort to get it back to working order, where with us, the parts were cheap, they were a lot more forgiving to abuse, and they were not right designed to last more than about 5 years tops. It was funny how often I had serious enthusiasts and pros stop me months after I originally talked to them to let me know how happy they were with the “shitty” version they bought from us. Now they can keep their pro version for pro use only and they no longer have to worry about their wife, or kid, or brother in law, or ect, trashing their pro version. Not to mention you could abuse and neglect the shit out of it and it didn’t really matter it would keep going. Not for long, and not as good as their “good” one… but long enough and not nearly as bad as they expected.
At the same time there were a lot of people who stopped me to thank me for talking them out of buying our products, or at least buy a cheaper version. Sometimes I would be half way into selling someone something and they would say something that made me realize that they intended to use this professionally, or on a task that was of professional level, and I would put the brakes on let them know that this was a bad idea and would end in regret. If their budget forced them to buy low end anyway, to hold them over, I would go over the weak points and get them something that had less features, but also had less failure points and cost less because they were going to need to buy a new one a lot sooner than they thought. Sometimes the store manager would come over and be like “I can’t believe you sold that piece of shit! I thought it would be on the shelf forever!”, and I would tell him to not be too enthusiastic, because that guy would likely be in every couple of months to replace it under warranty until the warranty ran out. Generally, warranty claims kind of hurt, but it also boosted other numbers that counted positively towards his yearly bonus and he knew that if the guy was coming in to exchange it he would be buying the consumables from us (one of the things that got a product labeled as shit by us was proprietary consumables). So the store manager was happy that the consumables would more than offset the losses from having to warranty the item, and the customer would be happy because he got something that would get him through for at least a year, and he could plan around the known failures. It was always enjoyable to tell people how to take advantage of the warranty. It was always funny to see the look in someones eyes as they realized that you were telling them to buy the much cheaper and shittier version because none else ever bought it and they could be sure that any one of our locations that they stopped at would have one on the shelf. And if they made sure to grab at least 4 packs of the consumables when they were doing the exchange, they would get happy and snappy service, even from even the store manager themselves. The company would incentivise the managers to sell certain products that didn’t sell on their own. And some things that were turning into a boondoggle for the company would see stacked incentives. So any manager who saw you that you had just warrantied this thing last month and again the month before that(so that meant you were likely using it professionally which was against the terms of the warranty, but if you were also buying 4 boxes of consumables every week or 2…) well you know what, he didn’t actually have any proof that you were using it professionally so it’s not his problem, have an excellent day and please come back.

I was asked to leave with severance to be quiet, but I luckily already had another gig lined up, and they got shut down from being shitty anyway. All the employees that didn’t care made a shitty web company who’s tik tok you can’t comment on lol.

I know im a shitty person that doesnt deserve to live, thats why I have to tey extra hard to pretend not to be a shitty person. All those charities, all those old ladies I helped at the shop, all the people whos birthdays I remembered pre-facebook, they never suspected a thing.

I’m very shitty, and I hate myself to the point where I want to obliterate my personality with a specific program that I set up (and have issues setting into motion). But yeah, I do feel far superior to the average person, because I don’t think having a condition, being a different skin color, nation, or orientation should get you put in a fucking labor camp, and I actively care about the fate of humanity. I can’t just be chill with some person dying next to me, it is NOT fine!

Probably better to describe it as “fairness”. Maybe even “stubbornness” The problem with justice/fairness is that it is ultimately subjective. And a 10-year-old’s view of fairness is often divorced from principles of personal safety or propriety.

You’ll see this problem with adult libertarians all the time. Everything from seat belts to sales taxes to dress codes intrude on their sense of fairness, largely because they’ve ingested enormous volumes of propaganda. The real joke of it is when the term “social justice” impugnes your sense of personal justice. Same with the social conservatives who get up in arms over “illegal” immigration and desegregation, environmental regulations and speed limits, prohibitions on state sanctioned religious education, and age limits on who you can marry.

A sense of justice is a very plastic (especially at a young age) and perspective oriented. Wars have been fought and rivers of blood spilled over a population’s conviction of their own righteousness.

It’s built by and for psychopaths instead.

BMW drivers not signaling should get their car taken away.

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It isn’t “follow the rules”, it is “do the right thing”

Big difference

Pretty much.

I worked in tech and there’s a lot of morally gray things.

For example: the law is pretty clear on what a company should and shouldn’t store as data. Yet every year, tech companies violate it. A few even get lawsuits because of how bad they did it. Thousands don’t.

The engineers (many who only want to do the right thing) see it pretty clearly. Don’t leak shit. Don’t give out personal info. Secure that shit. Extremely clear guidelines.

But, from our higher ups, we are constantly told “ah that doesn’t apply to us” and follow whatever the marketing/analytics/data team wants.

Been this way for decades.

Unironocally yes.

The point is the average person doesn’t give a shit. That’s the baseline. It’s why without enforcement, no one follows rules detrimental to themselves. It’s why going 50 in a 50 is considered ridiculous.

The fact that it even pisses you off enough to write that out is evidence enough lol. Maybe. Not the one thing by itself…

Source: Late diagnosed adhd, probably autistic, said the same kind of things as you before I realized I’m just… not typical

Leave them alone. They are doing the thing

It’s not really a reliable source, just some dude.

No, it’s a well-documented phenomenon called Justice Sensitivity. It can even be graded on a scale, like any other symptom of ADHD or autism. It is part of the diagnostic criteria.

Basically, lots of ADHD/autistic people tend to dislike rules, feeling like they’re restrictive for no reason… Unless they know why the rule exists. But if they know why it exists, they often tend to treat the rule as gospel, and get extremely angry and/or resentful when others don’t follow the rule. They’ll have a strong urge to correct perceived injustices, even if the injustice was relatively small or benign. “Life isn’t fair” is something that many people with ADHD/autism hear a lot, because it’s often the go-to response from neurotypicals whenever they start complaining about injustice. There’s a reason people with ADHD and autism disproportionately work as activists.

I’d also posit my unqualified opinion¹ too: I think it’s the idea that the rules are inconsistent. You try to follow a system that everyone says is “blind” and impartial, only to see it just got Lasik and is very, very partial to particular people. The dissonance between experiencing injustice and insistent claims that the civilized world is fair.

If all cultures codified that “money buys clemency”, there’d be a lot fewer outbursts about how unfair things are.

¹ I’m probably not autistic, just have a lot of autistic friends.

I feel this. My job is surrounded by one-way streets, with angled back-in parking everywhere. So you don’t even need to parallel park, you just back into the spots to park, and then pull straight out (matching the direction of traffic on the one-way street) when you leave. It’s literally all the best parts of parallel parking, with none of the downsides.

We regularly have people pull u-turns on the one-way streets to park nose-in. No amount of signs have helped, because you can’t make people read. It’s a ticketable offense, (same as if you had parallel parked facing the wrong direction on a one-way street) and the local PD regularly makes sweeps every few hours to check… And they’ll easily ticket 10-20 people on busy days. There have even been instances where the cop was standing there writing a ticket for it, when someone pulled in right next to them. And then they’d argue with the cop that they should be allowed to park however they want.

At first, seeing people swing super wide to pull into the spots would piss me off. Then for a while it was amusing, because I knew I’d get to see them rage about the ticket on their windshield while I sit in my office. But now it’s just disappointing. Like every time I see it, I lose a little more faith in humanity. The old joke about “make something idiot-proof and they’ll invent a better idiot” always rings true.

My nephew is autistic, and when he was little (and his parents were basically in denial about it) he kept getting kicked out of schools because he’d punch kids that change the rules in the middle of a game. They ended up having to home school him