Does anyone else see themselves in this article?
I feel very seen by this article lol
We’re not all resentful, we just hate the people who refuse to advance themselves and adhere to some level of learned helplessness as their nominal state
When I date I meet women who are almost 40 who are still dependent on their elderly parents for basic adult shit, including paying basic bills like rent and food. They have minimal life skills of an adult. They just call up their dad and ask him to pay for someone to fix their car or mow their law, or he himself is still doing it for them.
It’s pathetic. These people have good jobs too, they are just leeches. If you suggest that may they should do things on their own… they attack you, sometimes violently.
Man… maybe that’s why a lot of dates feel like a job interview these days.
Those are people who looking for an employee instead of a relationship and think they are the ‘boss’ of the relationship.
I think you’re potentially looking at this wrong. They might be dependent… Or they might be in COMMUNITY with their families.
If they’re in their 40’s their parents are in their 60’s-70’s. Is it possible these adults have a relationship of give and take where they each lean on the other for different things? Maybe her dad takes care of car maintenance for the family, her mom manages medical needs and she manages other aspects of their shared lives?
Although it’s certainly possible, I find it hard to believe parents of a 40 year old are somehow coerced or guilted into an unfair arrangement.
Maybe we have different life experiences in this regard…
no dude. having your 65+ year old father do physical labor for you is dick move if you are 35. or asking him for money to pay your bills when you have a 150K job, but you want to spend your money on yourself.
don’t worry, they are more than glad to let me know they have never lifted a finger for themselves their entire lives and they expect me to fill in as their father figure. because they are ‘too special’ to be functional adults and they are ‘poor fragile women’ who need a big strong daddy to pay their mortgage for them.
the parents aren’t blameless, obviously. they have enabled their daughter’s spoilt princess attitude, but as an adult it’s a mark of maturity to grow up and stop the child-like interactions you had with your parents. you are suppposed to start taking care of them.
Forcing him to do physical labour is a dick move if you’re 35. Your dad offering because he wants you to be safe and enjoys doing it? How is allowing him to do that a dick move? Sounds like the anger is coming from an assumption here.
I’m sure you have more examples, there are a lot of people out there that aren’t very independent, I just don’t think this was a good example because of that assumption. Also your language makes you sound bitter, which doesn’t help your case.
No, it’s coming from experience of dealing with people like this for years now. Who are enabled by a society that rewards victimhood and self-pity rather than shaming it.
Aight your loss
I have a friend who does this. As far as my interactions with him go, he asks for help before attempting to solve a problem himself. He’s done well in his career so I assume he’s gotten better since we lived together in college.
Knowing who to ask for help in what situation is a valuable skill, one that is essential for managers. So it makes sense that he would do well in his career.
Not me being constantly told that I lack common sense when the reason why I’m being told those things is that I believe that people have value and should be treated with kindness by default, or that things can get better.
If your common sense does not include those things, I don’t want to have anything to do with it.
The ones who succeed maybe, plenty of people are broken or malformed by the experience. A child raising itself, especially in poverty or resource scarce environments, will make many harmful mistakes that hinder them their entire life.
I was going to point out the survivor’s bias.
This is me…sadly.
No
Stop seeing me
Read the title: yeah, feels kinda true
Read the article: damn…
Most useful stuff I know if because of the internet, so it’s pretty goated for that. No squeaky doors in my house, you fuckass hinges, wikihow gave me a hammer and y’all are just puny nails /s
Schools should just expand the stuff they teach imo, for cases like that, because im pretty sure there will be a lot more kids just like them
I have been asked on more than one occasion by folks who have heard enough of my story to know what I’ve come through how I managed to come through it, and my response is steadfastly: “Because I had to.”
There’s no great secret. No deep well of reserves. You just keep going.
It’s not exactly healthy, nor does it make one the most happy person. You unlearn what you can, when you can, or try to, anyway.You shove it all down, and keep going… Then wonder why you develop so many health issues in your mid to late 30s.
also great amount of luck and privilege helps
Please don’t @ me like that.
TV raised me
Don’t forget the chronic depression, crippling trust issues, and being perpetually single due to said trust issues…
Listen, I’m trying to doomscroll, not read my psych eval.
Note you can doom scroll your psych eval and have the worst of both worlds!
I’m not really resentful bacause of that. I just have fond memories of learning alone. It was lonely trying to relate with others what I was doing with my day, but it didn’t stop it from being fun.
Even worse is when adults actively deny teaching you something basic like washing clothes or cooking food, always saying “Leave it to me”. I am very resentful of that
Ugh, I felt this. My sperm donor would “take over” anytime I asked for help, which led me to hating asking for help as an adult
And when you do get help, it of course comes with strings attached and you’ve got to spend the next 6 months dancing blind in a field of landmines waiting for the help you received to be thrown back your face and detonated.
To this day, people just rip things out of my hands and say “you are doing it wrong! Let me”.
