I experience Lemmy as a reflection of many of the problems in the world; there seems to be little effort to understand and respect different viewpoints. Instead of being curious about opinions one disagrees with, the community often feels almost aggressive. People end up in their own trenches. What about trying to be more open and curious about our differences instead?
Apparently we believe in freedom of speech—so long as the speech is something we agree with…
Speaking up for people wanting to cut back on their personal porn use.
I mean… it’s fine to have a community for that. But don’t expect the rest of the site to not disagree with you.
But go start a community for that. Ban people who come into your community and are jerks.
Disagreement is perfectly fine as long as it’s civil and actually about what’s being said. That’s not what’s happening here - you instantly get accused of having malicious secret motives, as is demonstrated below. It’s just a way to shut down discussion instead of actually engaging with it.
There are 2 options here.
Pattern matching does that. And it’s unfortunate. But so many people in that community do have those motives. And as a member of that community, it’d be great if you could help shout them down (and if you already do, thanks!)
Not everyone struggling with compulsive porn use is part of the NoFap community.
I’m not, and I shouldn’t have to answer for the “crimes” of anyone else just because they’re dealing with a similar issue as I am. They don’t represent me, and I don’t represent them. It makes zero sense to take the views of the loud extremist minority and slap them onto the entire group. Most people who self-diagnose with the “porn addiction” label just want help sorting out their own life - they couldn’t care less what anyone else does with theirs.
I call into question your claim that most aren’t like that. But even if most aren’t, it’s what the community is known for.
If you don’t like what the community is known for, you have options. You can try and fix the reputation, you can deal with being stereotyped, or you could just be a person who doesn’t masturbate, and not part of a specific community.
I don’t think there’s a fourth option where you get to be part of the community, which is known for being horrible, but everyone just magically knows you’re not one of those ones.
Personally, I’ve chosen option 3 for most of my proclivities. I don’t drink, but I’m not part of AA because of their religious craziness. I don’t eat meat, but I’m not out here supporting PETA.
I explicitly stated in my previous response that I’m not part of that community. I’m just an individual dealing with an issue, and I have compassion for all the other individuals facing the same thing - people who are too ashamed or afraid to seek help or even tell anyone about it. Seeing the response it gets here, even from folks who probably pride themselves on being empathetic and compassionate - yeah, I don’t blame those people for staying silent.
This isn’t about supporting a community or pushing some ideology. It’s about raising awareness that real people struggle with this stuff. It’s not sexual shaming or defying God - it’s about taking back control of their own lives. As with anything, the dose makes the poison. Nobody I’ve talked to about this thinks porn or masturbation is inherently bad - they’re just the kind of person who takes it too far, to the point it starts causing real harm in their life. They don’t have an agenda. They need help, and I feel for them.
If even a single person feels seen by my comment - the one that gets downvoted into oblivion by the haters - and gets even the tiniest sliver of help or hope from it, then it was 100% worth it.
Sorry to interject, I just want to check if I’m understanding this sub-thread correctly. I was skimming and didn’t immediately realize what you were talking about:
So someone asked what kind of discussion isn’t tolerated.
You brought up people discussing wanting to cut down their personal porn consumption.
You get downvoted and people imply you’re just some conservative wanting to preach about the evils of masturbation. Which is a complete mischaracterization of what you’re saying.
I don’t follow nofap discussions etc. as it’s thankfully not a problem for me personally but I know porn and masturbation addictions are very real and detrimental to one’s well-being. I’m a bit stunned to learn that you get this much flak for acknowledging it here. I’m sorry to hear this :/
The hostility toward anyone even talking about this caught me off guard too. I would’ve thought Lemmy would be the exact opposite - a place where people opening up about personal struggles get met with compassion. Boy was I wrong.
Here’s the thread where I discovered it yesterday, though I don’t recommend reading through it. It’s quite awful.
Wow… I’m glad that one guy at least amended their first post but yeah… I am so sorry you get responses like this.
I hope find the support you need, and if at all possible, have the energy to keep bringing it up despite ignorant takes. Recovery’s possible, even when the internet is a minefield. Wishing you strength!
why do you assume they want to engage with it?
they are shutting it down because they want to shut it down. they want to ridicule and belittle and harass.
No-fap and anti-fap communities have historically been breeding grounds (irony unintended) for right-wing ideology. That’s where a lot of the distaste for that kind of talk comes from; when someone starts moralizing about “porn addiction” it is so frequently followed by blatant misogyny and incel rhetoric that people have learned to immediately respond with derision.
But who’s moralizing about it here? The mere mention of struggling with compulsive porn use - or even just noting that others do - gets immediately met with vicious hostility and completely baseless accusations. It’s totally unreasonable to dump that massive pile of imagined baggage onto someone and then treat them as if it all applies to them.
You literally cannot get some people to acknowledge that there are tens of millions of (mostly) young men who genuinely struggle with this. It’s not about thinking porn or masturbation is bad. It’s about having taken it to such an extreme that it’s actively harming their life - and many of them seek help online. Unfortunately, these toxic communities are among the very few places available for advice and peer support.
It’s all guilt by association.
You can’t talk about anything here without some significant number of crackpots telling you how you are evil for acknowledging it’s existence, and how we must destroy anyone who says anything they find uncomfortable to acknowledge.
Gooning is a god-given right
And I don’t want to take that away from anyone. I just wish it didn’t affect my own life to the extent that it has for the past 20+ years.
Unless these people are mute they don’t need you to speak for them.
Exhibit A.