Why did she forgive you? Do you think you’re worth the forgiveness? What made you think cheating on the person that put their trust in you would be something you could come back from?

Best thing you can do it walk away, and learn from it, have principles, don’t fucking betray the trust someone puts in you.

Earning back trust takes time and openness. Be patient and attentive to her lingering fears/doubts/pain and just do your best… what that involves is for you to figure out, you know your wife better than anyone… but there’s certainly hope you can fix things if you are truly done with being “a piece of shit”

Trust is like glass, once it’s broken it will never be the same again

You can’t. Ever.

I think you can answer this question yourself. If the roles were reversed how would you answer this question?

Would you forgive her? How? Why?

She likely has not forgiven you, she is saying those words so she does not have to deal with the consequences of your actions now, but can choose her own time. The only real way to go on permanently with someone who has cheated is to stop thinking anything of them. If they cheat again it doesn’t matter, they mean nothing to you.

Time my friend. Time. And the understanding that she will never trust you fully again.

Why did you do it? Let’s start there. Please unpack.

Pro tip btw:
You can’t hate yourself into being a better person (I’ve tried). All you can do is continue to show up with love and compassion and grow into who you want to be. Bonus if your partner actually cares and will join you in your journey.

stop doing whatever you were doing before

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I’ve been in your position. If you really want to regain your wife’s trust, the only thing you can do is be someone who is trustworthy. The rest is up to your wife.

In my experience, the worst part of cheating isn’t the act itself. It’s starts off simple enough. You just tell some “small” lies about where you’ve been or where you’re going and your spouse most likely shrugs it off. But lies compound and suddenly you find yourself stacking lies on top of lies, trying to hold back the sea of lies. You begin to feel like the story of the dutch boy trying to plug holes in the dam with his fingers, except you built the dam and filled the sea behind it with shit. And you know if you don’t keep plugging holes all of your shit is going to come spilling out. It becomes fucking exhausting.

I looked at the person I had become at the end of my affairs (as in multiple) and I hated him. He wasn’t me. At least he certainly didn’t feel like me. At some point I decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore.

There’s a lot of merit in the phrase “the truth will set you free.” You can tear down the dam and drain the sea of lies. But when I say the truth, I mean all of it. Your wife has a right to know the whole truth, down to the last detail. To her, your life has to be an open book. She needs to be able to ask you anything and know that you will be honest with her, even if it’s something she’ll be hurt by. In fact, it’s ok to preface answers with something like, "I’m afraid my answer is going to be hurtful but if you really want to know I will tell you.

Living your life with integrity is hard sometimes but it’s still much easier than living without it.

3 day old account asking Reddit tier questions

Ok, let me try to approach this seriously.
You need to figure out some things:

1. Why did you cheat

• Because you were angry with your wife?
• Because you like the other woman?

2. If a similar situation arises in the future how are you going to react

• “I won’t do it again” is not a good answer. “I’m going to do X instead” is better.

You don’t have to respond to us here, think about these things and talk about it with your wife.

If you want out of the marriage, then this is the time. No point in working on a marriage you don’t want.

If you want to stay then:

Couples counselling. Seriously. It is not cheap, but it’s a lot cheaper than a divorce. It also resolves unhealthy tension and issues in the relationship. You might even get out of it with a lot better marriage than before you cheated.

Do that for a long time. Show that you care by taking initiative, and resolve this with a counsellor and your spouse.

I also believe it is possible to regain trust, and to forgive.

You did a bad thing, but don’t let it define you. Now you got to set it right, show her that you actually care about her. Do the hard work and make the relationship stronger than ever.

You should not tell anyone you cheated, if your wife does, then you have to accept that. She might feel that this affects her honor and standing amongst other people. So let her decide if people should know or not.

Anyways, good luck! Be patient and be kind. You can do it! 👍