I missed something were we supposed to be raptured today?
There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.
There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.
I can’t wait 🥱😴
Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question on whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.
The real rapture will be over in a few hours once all of the bombs have gone off.
Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened
Maybe you, but definitely not me.
Jooooin ussss
Not you.
Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
On the plus side, you can feed my cat now.
I will abduction your cat
His name is Bitey. He’s very sweet but don’t get your face too close.
I wanted extra facial piercings
Still a better love story than Twilight
I wish… Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish
Okay but then the real Christians are gone and all that’s left are the Christofascists
I hate to break it to you…
I know, but I didn’t want you to get your hopes too high
What would their excuse then be?
God selected them to prepare the earth for Christ’s return after the years of tribulation. Or some bullshit like that.
Shit, we best bend over and do what they say then
I chose not to and made a few bucks for petwatching
I just ruptured.
Skipped over again. Thank god.
Leviticus commands us to stone the false prophets.
These assholes are just out for free weed.
All the false prophets are currently unavailable for comment because they’ve been high AF the last couple days.
Lemme tell ya, I have never been more raptured!
Props on the username, OP
Who up rapturing their it?
Not me I’ve been sinning since the 90’s.
I was very disappointed at the gym this morning when I realized I didn’t have it all to myself.
Maybe next time
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I feel like I may have had a near-miss
Technically not supposed to happen until the horns sound in Jerusalem, which will happen at sundown. I think we have a little bit longer before we can really mock these morons.
The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened … no one noticed because no one was taken up.
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be like… the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I’m lookin around at the state of things right now and uh…
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
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How can I make my skussy more appealing to the imps?
Don’t wear a hat and keep your ears clean.
Also known as the skussy
Hell yeah it is
卄乇ㄥㄥ ㄚ乇卂卄
No plagues, no zombies, no demons. All these things are supposed to come before the rapture part. The rapture is literally the last part, not the first. It happens on the 7th trumpet blast.
We got covid, krok addicts, and republicans, it’s close enough.
There have been plagues and demons for sure. Some of these politicians are definitely demons in skin suits. I just don’t know about zombies. But we are close.
With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.
Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person’s cases
It’s all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
May I offer you my very warm hole for a few minutes? Its only $5.99! Its for a good cause!
