Just wanted to put in a counter for what a lot of people are saying in here, if you’re looking for a “perfect-clone friend” right out the gate then prepare to be lonely as your tests fail… not because they’re horrible people, but because they’re a different person with different experiences.
The person litters (like @tiramichu@sh.itjust.works suggested)? Probably see’s their entire family litter constantly and never gets comments or maybe even once got reprimanded for saying not to litter to an elder. Just ask them not to when they’re in your vehicle, take into account their reaction and maybe have a conversation about it? (personal experience, just let me friend know it was lame and he stopped doing it. But now his vehicle is a roaming trashcan so I guess take what you can get)
You can be friends with people who are different or were raised differently than you, it’s actually super beneficial! Now if it’s a constant argument or it’s turned into a negative experience every time and communication isn’t working… it might be useful to move on for everyone’s sake at that point.
I’m getting a mixed message here; are you saying people should be friends with people who litter, and politely encourage them to improve their behavior? Or that they should walk away from people that litter? Not trying to antagonize, I’m just not clear what the central theme of your comment is
Make friends first without requirements, communicate if an action of theirs disturbs you or makes you feel some kind of way. Learn who they are and why they do things before passing judgement. Let them know your experience. From there, evaluate what kind of relationship you want with the person going forward. But, communicate! the reason why. Allow the ability for people to surprise you and change if they care about your feelings (including allowing yourself to change if they present good arguments).
People have friends or acquaintances for different reasons and have different philosophies over what’s important in those relationships, mileage may vary.
cool lol thanks
just fyi you keep repeating this pattern: “here’s a specific thing you should enjoy. Later, here’s a general rule which will often invalidate the previous statement” and it’s just kind of hard to follow. but. thanks for the response
It helps if you’re not vague when asking for clarification and quote what the issue is directly, the made-up quote doesn’t really help if you wish to get an actual helpful response.
people should be friends with people who litter, and politely encourage them to improve their behavior?
My response: Make friends first without requirements
Or that they should walk away from people that litter?
response: Learn who they are and why they do things before passing judgement. From there, evaluate what kind of relationship you want with the person going forward (is this a co-worker? Someone from a friend group? What kind of relationship is required to move forward)
You can make friends…then unmake if necessary. If that’s your confusion.
or we can make friends however we want, lol, it’s weird that you think you’re our life coach. let people pick friends however they want buddy, there’s no need to tell everyone else how to live
You ok there bud? First day on the internet and you just needed to talk to someone?
This is a perfect example btw, I didn’t just dismiss you because of your confusion. But now since you’ve just been wasting time for clarification you never actually cared about (only to then try to insult in the lamest way possible online), and your other really horrible posts and comments I can easily move on and not care about this interaction at all!
No I did, and I’m glad. You’ve broken two sidebar rules of my instance and I have cause to ban you now. My users are better off without this toxic, rude behavior and we won’t need any more of it from you.
Have a day.
If you leave your cart in a parking space, you’re sub-human
You’re passible if you take it to the corral
But a truly good human will stack the carts into proper rows if the carts are loose in the corral
I firmly believe in the validity of the Shopping Cart Test. On a related and depressing note, my little city is overrun with errant shopping carts.
I have a clip from my dashcam floating around somewhere of me stopping, jumping out of my car, then hauling ass to catch someone’s runaway cart moments before it hit a parked car. Honestly one of my proudest moments.
On the opposite end, I once left a cart (on a curb) and it haunted me. To be fair, it was absolutely storming outside and I was chilled to the bone and just wanted to warm up…
- I used to work at a supermarket and preferred returning carts to other tasks, and got paid hourly. When someone returns the cart, they’re doing that hourly work for the store owner for free. Since time is rival, you could be more effective with your altruism than helping store owners.
- You’re depressed because there’s so much homelessness, right?
I push products to the shop floor because some people prefer stacking the shelves to their other work. I’m an altruistic job creator. You’re welcome
Isn’t that just the parable of the broken window? Somebody ultimately needs to clean the dishes and return the cart - they’re not wasted time.
I’m even more altruistic than the lazy shits not wanting to put the cart back since I don’t just not do something, I’m actively doing it to benefit their day.
It’s not benefiting or harming them either way. Their day is spent and their odds of getting paid are the same.
I’m creating more work for them, if everyone just trashed the stores they’d go in we’d have more people working at the stores. I’m a job creator
Apparently I’m a truly good human because my organizational autism trait gets triggered. I’m not even annoyed fixing them. It’s just satisfying to see them in order.
I do have some caveats for this. As my parents both park in handicap, we’ve noticed that the cart corrals are super far from the handicap spots and I won’t blame someone who already has trouble walking half way down the parking aisle to a corral.
I do tend to take the random carts from the parking lot in to use for shopping when I see them though. No reason to take one of the ones already brought back.
The exception is the handicapped area. When I drive my 80 something mother, we park in a handicapped spot, and I get out and grab the nearest cart for her. She uses that like a walker to get to the store. When we get back to the car, and she gets in, I leave the cart near the handicapped spots for the next person. I have often seen others do the same thing.
We parked the other day, and there were no carts nearby, so I went and got one for her. She could have made it into the store with just her cane, but she would have been slower, and not as confident.
So leave a cart or two in the handicapped zone. The handicapped folks have already worked out their own system that the normies don’t know about or understand. It’s a Geezer Thing.
My ex wife always refused to put her shit in the bin at McD’s on the basis that someone was paid to do it.
No. Someone was paid to wipe the table down, not pick up your shit.
No they are paid to keep it all clean, including throwing it way :p
Still ill mannered tho
If that’s the case, then why make the bins available for the public to use?
For good mannered people xD
Nice job getting away from that.
That was the sole reason given for the divorce.
For the first time, I feel seen.
My test is mostly how do they treat my visibly disabled husband. Who also is older than me and looks it. I don’t like being treated like I’m his nurse. I understand why they might think daughter so I’m ambivalent towards that. A lot of people are short and snippy with him because he’s harder to understand and that gets me upset.
I stack the plates to make room when boxing up food. It gets stacked in the way I would want to carry with the largest and cleanest ln bottom for stability and forks/utentils on top. Don’t generally do more than 3 plates in a stack because they might want to rearrange.
But do you even bring your glass back to the bar before you leave?
Haha, no
Sincerely, a waiter
Could you elaborate?
As a waiter, on any given day you want to spend the minimum amount of time doing the “required” things, so you can spend more time on things that dont mediately require your attention. That is to say, clearing a table faster lets you give more wine tastings, or spend more time having a chat with a table when the time comes for it
This, of course, means that a minimum amount of trips to the kitchen with dirty plates is preferred. No matter how much of the “stacking” phase is removed, it will never make up for another trip it may cause
You might see what I’m getting at, but to put it bluntly, I have never had a table stack their plates in a way that actually helps - it’s always caused a second or third trip
What’s more annoying is that the person in the picture has clearly never had the opportunity to ask a waiter (off shift) about what they think (as they would very roughly disagree with them), yet asserts that people who don’t agree with them are in the wrong
OK, that makes sense. What’s the preferred stacking method, then?
When I stack plates at home I make sure to have all the food leftovers and the cutlery on the top plate and - if different types of plates are on the table - stack them by type, so that I create a stable and sturdy “tower”.
The correct way to stack plates for them is to not stack them at all. Every waiter has their own system, and there’s no way to tell what it is. The most respectable thing to do is to tuck yourself in and make it easy for the waiter to reach your plates. Even handing plates to them can result in them being forced to stack plates in an inefficient manner
My mom does this. She has major ocd.
Bussy - the person bussing it.
You’d fail my test if I learn you have tests for people.
Maybe it’s just a matter of phrasing, but the idea that I could be kind to our server all night, tip well, generally hit it out of the park, but be disproportionately judged for failing to do this one small thing because it’s your personal test? Sets my social anxiety off enough that if I knew that were on your mind I’d probably just say we’re not compatible.
Obviously, keep an eye out for shitty people, and don’t put up with bad behaviour, but also judge people as people, wholistically.
It says the word ‘test’ in the post title, but if it helps I don’t think you need to take it so literally.
This isn’t necessarily “setting up” specific situations for people, but more like how people respond in normal everyday situations which you might consider to be either red flag or green flag behaviour.
For me, an example is littering. I’m not so sociopathic that I’d create some trash just to test someone, but if trash happens and they throw it on the ground, it’s a bad personality indicator.
Yeah, what you’re saying makes sense. I like “bad personality indicator” as an alternative, since it conveys to me it’s one of many indicators you might process, maybe not even consciously. I’ve just had rather negative experiences being “tested” and hearing that world applied to any kind of casual social interaction gets my hackles all the way up.
Pre bussing be bussin
The definition of bigotry is someone who’s behavior is a function of what they know about you. If people change their behavior to treat me better or worse because they learn (for example) that I’m gay then I don’t want them at all.
No it’s not.
From the Oxford dictionary:
obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction, in particular prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.
From the Collins dictionary:
Bigotry is the possession or expression of strong, unreasonable prejudices or opinions.
From vocabulary.com:
A bigot is someone who doesn’t tolerate people of different backgrounds or opinions. Someone who tells a racist joke might be labeled a bigot. A bigot can also be someone who refuses to accept other ideas, as in politics.
Ok… so someone finds out you’re gay. Figure to themselves you’re probably having it rough, with all the LGBTQ+ hate thats going around, and are making sure to treat you nicer because of it, or maybe let some things slide that would irk them otherwise -> bigots.
Not the guy you’re responding to, but…
maybe let some things slide that would irk them otherwise
As a non-straight person, I don’t want yesmen either. If I’m being an idiot, I want my friends to tell me nicely that I’m doing the stupid, I don’t want them to ignore it because “oh she’s gay, I don’t want to hurt her feelings”.
and are making sure to treat you nicer because of it
That’s a bad thing
If I could trust that this is the reason behind a person’s behavior then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But there are so many potentially malicious reasons to be extra sugary sweet to someone different. Plus it’s infantalizing to be “treated nicer” like I’m not a kid. I don’t want everyone to change their tone I just want to participate and have fun. If political issues were bothering me then I’d go to a political group that centers my lgbt-ness, that’s my choice
I thought this to be common courtesy everywhere?
Common courtesy is much too uncommon to be called common
And what’s that say about common sense?
That’s sad. And that’s coming from a misanthropist that can’t stand his own species. Doesn’t mean I mustn’t be polite to them.
It *can* be seen as rude, depending on the culture. Like, “I did your job for you because you took so long”. More often in “high class” settings, like places that need reservations weeks in advance.
But most of the time, people just don’t care to assist the waiters and most waiters will appreciate it if you stack the plates. Some may judge you if you do it wrong.
I really never liked tables that did this, in the restaurants I worked we observed oldschool etiquette… as long as someone is still enjoying their meal, we don’t clean up and if you do, I’ll asssume you just lack education.
So far I manage to avoid “high class” most of my life 😁 And at best we’re two people, I guess I can’t do much wrong stacking two plates or so. But if that’s seen as rude, OK. Can’t know beforehand, but would assume most waiters are fine with it. If not, I’m not a psychic and just try my best to be polite. Can’t please everyone.
Just fuck off and leave a review or buy me a drink
