I was Time Magazine’s Person of the Year 2006.

First off, all awards are made up.

Secondly, I have won none of them.

I won a micro. It’s an award for the smallest penis from a randomly selected group of 10,000 men.

I would say prettiest and gayest catgirl in the fediverse but that would go to @erotador@lemmy.blahaj.zone :3

My university residence floor graced me with the “Most likely to jump onto the tacks to save someone even if he knows he’ll be killed in the process”.

Most Flatulent, though the jury is still out on if whey protein counts as a performance enhancing drug in this case

I have a “certificate of memorization” sitting somewhere because I attended an all-boys religious summer camp and memorized bunch of prayers and they were like “well we gotta reward something.”

Despite it being “all-boys,” they misgendered me on the certificate. It now doubles as a “I looked and sounded exactly like a girl in middle-school” certificate.

I’ve won most handsome every year.

Thanks, Grandma

I won a cardboard boat race. I got a pink flamingo as a prize for first place because they didn’t think anyone would finish the race so they didn’t actually have a prize for the winner. Everyone else got a new life jacket.

Senior yearbook I was voted Most Changed and Best Hair

FIFA’s mega-peace prize.

It’s, like, a thousand times better than their peace prize.

Well, I once went to one of those sites for making certificates for children and made my own one night while bored. I am the best beaver, according to that thing, which I cannot find anywhere on my desktop computer or phone right now.