Get ready, because this is kind of cheesy stuff, but these two pieces of sports advice, taken together, have guided me for years.

First: a mentor of mine who was a pool shark taught me that when you’re playing pool, there is always a best shot to take. Sometimes, when you’ve got no good options in front of you you want to just do nothing or quit. But no matter what, billiards offers a finite set of options of where to try and aim the cue, and if you rank them from best to worst, there is always a best. When you’re in a bad situation, you find it and you take the best option. Often, that’s either a harm reduction strategy, a long-shot that feels impossible, or a combo of both. But if you always do this you’ll usually suffer far less harm in the aggregate, and if you take enough long shots you’ll occasionally achieve a few incredibly improbable wins.

Second: A kayaking instructor taught me – and this I’m told is true in many similar sports – you go where your focus is, so to evade a problem, focus on the way past. If you see a rock, don’t stare it it, you’ll hit it. It doesn’t matter if your brain is thinking “I gotta go anywhere except that rock!” If you’re looking at, you’re heading into it. If you don’t want to hit the rock, instead you have to look at wherever it is you DO want to go. It takes a bit of practice, because your brain sees “rock!” more easily than “smooth water flowing between two rocks”. But that’s how you get down a river, and it’s also how you work through almost any other problems in life that are rushing at you: don’t focus ON them, focus on whatever is the preferred alternative. This is especially useful if the alternative is sort of a non-thing, like an empty gap between two problems. And it often is.

Taken together, you get the basic approach that has steered my problem solving throughout adulthood. And it really works.

Expanding on the second point: we are what we focus on. if you are practicing to be the type of person who believes people are bad you look for the evidence of bad in people. “Everyone lets me down”. To do this requires discounting and avoiding and ignoring the good that people do.

This means if you do this sort of thing you’re also not that great of a person.

Just imagine being on the other side of it: think of all the nice things you might do for such a person and got overlooked because they focus on complaining about all the bad people in their life all just to prove people are bad.

If you think people are good, you’re probably right and if you think people are bad, you’re probably right.

I’m not sure if it’s objectively right, but I do totally support this because I think it’s right “for you” - as in, if you think someone’s a bad person they won’t be right for you. If you think someone’s a good person, they’ll be right for you. (This isn’t on a first impression basis though)

Personally, this is one I given myself…

We’re all idiots. It just depends on how much of an idiot you want to be.

Idk who said them first but I’ll never forget the men who gave me these two things:

• You are never out of options until you choose to stop looking for them.

And

• Money comes and money goes but it is never worth fighting about. (The guy who gave me this one was going through an awful divorce and had a lot of regrets about how he handled things. I think that context matters here.)

Being is better then having and having is better then seeming.

Ps: If you are reading this share your 2 cents about the above. Came up with it myself!

When someone shows you who they are, believe it the first time.

Also, if everyone you meet is nice, it’s because you’re a nice person. Conversely, if you think everyone’s an asshole, you’re the asshole.

Maya Angelou: ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.’

You choose which emotions to empower and which to discourage. I think Buddha said it?

Basically, you really can choose to focus on the good parts of life/an event and you don’t have to let the negatives consume you.

“if you have a problem, you can either solve it or you can’t. If you can fix it, no problem! If you can’t, no point in worrying about it!” -from a cartoon sheep from Garfield and Friends, turns out this is writing a bodhisattva.

I’m shit at implementing this wisdom but it’s still pretty good.

Be a good person, not a nice person.

From others in general - Always invest in the things that separate you from the ground; shoes, tires, and your mattress.

From a coach I knew - Every so often sit down and make sure your actions fit with your goals. It’s easier to get off course than you think.

From my father - The Hassle Factor. A job can give you three things, enough money to make up for the time you don’t have, enough time to make up for the money you don’t have, and a sense of satisfaction. If you aren’t getting at least two of the three, the job isn’t worth the hassle.

When someone gives you a compliment, just accept it.

From the safest places come the bravest words - The Sound

In regards to having children. “You’re going to fuck them up in some way no matter what you do, just try to minimize it”