I see a lot of commentary, especially on Lemmy and Reddit, about how awful children are and how wonderful adulthood without kids is. And if you don’t want them, more power to you.
On the other hand, many people are parents and love having children! I want to hear some of the positive stories. What about being a parent makes your life better? What’s your favorite thing about your kids?
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A good part about parenting is watching them become who they are. You can push them in a direction, you can can guide them, you can try to help them, but you get what you get. They become who they are no matter what, but you get to see it. Every soccer game they win, every game they lose, you watch them adapt, learn, and grow.
The hard part about parenting is watching them in pain or struggling. To them it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever done, and to try to convince them that the pain they are going through will pass is not going to happen. They have to experience it themselves. You cannot hand them your wisdom, they have to earn it.
The very best part about parenting is that even through times where I am a flawed, hate myself, and depressed there is someone there who sees me for the effort I put in and not through my own lens. I may hate me. I may battle myself. I may look in the mirror in disgust, but when they look at me they see everything that I don’t. It keeps me going.
Seeing children learn and become their own person is pretty awesome, even better when it is someone you raised. It is a long term project that has a ton of difficulties and learning experiences and other memories.
Like a more demanding pet!
one day when I die, someone will remember me long after I’m gone. hopefully fondly, but not expected.
I’ll be honest, I never wanted kids. I love them, I provide and care for them. is my life richer because of them? 🤷 no? I just hope they grow up to be better than me and live fulfilling happy lives. I can’t ask for much more than that.
to anyone who is trying to force you or “change your mind” about having them, I’ll ask you this. If they can’t respect your boundaries on this, why would they respect your boundaries on anything else?
The cuddle time THEY initiate.
Especially if they just feel like it.
It’s like when a cat chooses your lap to sit down times 7.
Oh man especially when youre sick and they turn the sweetness up to 11. The BEST
Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people. Unless you’re a total piece of shit, children give you social contact after all your friends are dead and gone.
My three kids are adult and living on their own.
My wife mentioned that she’d like to see them for her birthday. I texted them and they are all coming to visit the day before.
They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.
Could also be the free food, but whatever, I’ll take it.
I’ll add that raising kids is a strange experience. The things that are easy to quantify tend to be bad. Those are the things that you can describe easily in a way that someone without kids can understand.
The good things about raising kids are mostly just feelings. They are harder to explain, and they don’t tend to make his stories.
On the one hand, you’re paying a $500 insurance deductible because your kid misjudged the distance to a bollard during a driving lesson. On the other hand, you’re hanging out watching a movie together that you watched as a kid.
It’s hard to explain how hanging out outweighs the cost of the repairs to someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s even harder to explain that the comparison isn’t even close.
Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people.
I think this is probably why my mom really want to control me all the time… she’s afraid she’ll lose me and be alone…
like… mom wtf… I’d like you a lot more if uou gave me a bit of room to breathe…
Mom is keep pushing the idea of marriage to my older brother (who’s 28) because she’s afraid he’ll be (and I quote) “be alone for the rest of his life”… for context my dad got married at 31.
They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.
As a young adult… speaking from the kid’s perspective… there’s like this sort of feeling that is so… hard to explain… this connection…
My mother is/was very emotionally abusive by western standards, but still… I have this weird attachment to her… separation anxiety… or trauma bonding? idk…
I loved everything about being a parent. Sure my kid had his moments, we all do and that was ok, because I like to think I was raising him to do things the right way.
Also when he got to late high school and finally off to college is was also very nice to enjoy my free time and let him deal with his own labors of life.
Many “shitty people” have many children, so I feel like it’s my duty to future generations to raise kids who will not be pieces of shit. So far so good 👍
At least some of us are raising em right.
I always worry about getting one that just naturally is. You’ll hear people say it’s all up to the parents, but if it was really like that shitty people would have died out. (Since shitty parents sometimes raise nice kids)
Like, what do I do then?
We were constantly told by doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, school resource people, counsellors, IEP coordinators, etc… variations of “just, ya know, do your best” when we would ask what we should do, in their expert opinions. I think we were good parents but our daughter really struggled. I’m sure we could have done things better/differently. But we did try our best. She’s 24 and still not on her feet.
I have one who’s difficult. She’s just turned 16. I’m a very chill parent but sometimes I have to be firm with her. I tell myself I’m trying to raise her to be kind which she struggles with sometimes as she’s very self focused but she’s getting there and I have high hopes she’ll turn out great.
So I suppose the answer to your question from my perspective is just “keep on trucking with the goal in mind”.
That’s my biggest fear is that one of my kids will grow up and be a fucking incel or a white supremacist or something but I think that my own parenting style kind of precludes that. Honestly, I think that the most important thing is to just be there for your kids, take an interest in their lives, show them what it means to be cool by example
Cuddles and playtime :) my youngest is just at the toddler stage where they grab your hand and direct you where they want you to go and I love it.
Also, when you’re carrying them and they snuggle into your shoulder. Melts me every time.
Our 8 year old is still into a good hug.
My wife hasn’t been able to lift him for a couple years now, but I can still carry him in from the car if he falls asleep on a late trip home. He grabs on, and I know these days are numbered, but I’m determined to carry him as long as we can both manage it.
But yes, it’s so fun watching their sophistication and responsibility develop, and become a reader, and even doing math in his head while he learns Pokémon (which I was too old to ever bother with, but am learning to build a deck with him now, even though I’m pretty sure he’s stacking his against me).
Adorable! I felt so special when my baby niece was crying for most of Christmas, except for when I held her and she burrowed into me for a nap ❤️
Seeing their personality develop over time is amazing and so much fun. I love giving my toddler sips of water because he gets to enjoy the same beverage as me and let’s out a refreshed “ahhh” sometimes - too cute. He also gets super excited to see our cats… Like he’ll be sleeping then the cat walks in and he pops up to proclaim “cat cat cat, gat-oh!” He also loves reading with his mom and me. I adore when he brings me a book and relaxes in my arms, helping to turn the pages while I read to him. Baby cuddles are magical.
My heart honestly grew 3 sizes when my son was born. Yes there are new challenges, but I’m so excited to spend my life with him and to watch him learn and grow.
Oh man my toddler loves drinking water from his mom’s big old bottle. He was propping it up with his feet yesterday cause the thing’s almost as big as he is 🤣 adorable
My oldest is a junior in high school and I didn’t think id get to have another, im so happy that I was wrong
Having conversations with kids is fantastic. I love seeing their ranges and choices of vocabularies, and what they get excited about when talking to you.
Yeah, parenthood is stressful. I have less personal time. A loooot less expendable income. But when I pick my 3 year old up from daycare, and she’s so excited to see me, you’d think she hadn’t seen me in days, my heart just melts. It’s so interesting to hear her take on things. The stories she makes up with her toys. Hear her describe what’s going on in her abstract scribbles.
She loves music. Michael Jackson, The Wallfowers, and Sam the Sham are surprise favorites at the moment. Aside from the soundtracks to Frozen and the Little Mermaid.
Seeing her get excited about things that we take for granted brings joy back into my life. Even something mundane like a Spirit plane coming in to land by the airport by us. She was so excited because it was yellow. Ford Fusions are “Shark Cars” and she always loves pointing them out. Putting stuff on the checkout conveyor at the grocery store. Turning on light switches. Riding Sandy ar Meijer.
Now, she’s getting into board and card games and it’s so cool to have family game nights. Primarily dominoes and Uno. I have a ton of weird vintage board games in the basement I cannot wait to bust out when she’s older.
I could go on and on about why I love being a dad. The day she was born, from the moment I held her, I knew that I would fully be capable of killing someone. As long as I am alive and capable, I will do everything in my power to keep anyone from harming her. She is everything to me.
I’ve only been a parent for a few weeks, but so far it’s seeing him develop skills and understanding. He can’t crawl, but he’s getting better at squirming. The basics have been fascinating.
Congratulations :) youre in for a ride but its so worth it.
Isnt their little grip on your finger addictive?
My children are adults now but I remember how much fun it was getting to see someone discover things for the first time.
My oldest when I pick him and my youngest up from school one day:
“Dad, have you ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons.”
Me with tear in my eye thinking about all the books, miniatures, dice, and other accessories from playing D&D since 1978. Only stopping when they were born because I didn’t have time and my wife and I had moved 500 miles to a new city. This was before the days of Roll20 and other VTT’s and I didn’t know anyone in this area back then.
I’ll let you know when I figure it out
