No one will ever care for me the way I care for them. There must be something so fundamentally repulsive about me, that people are willing to use me but the moment I try to open up I get cast aside. I dont blame them. No one wants a burden in their life. Maybe things could be different if I wasnt so ugly. But it wouldn’t really matter, because id still be broken beyond repair. I guess my father was right when he said no one would ever love me. He was right and it hurts. I already know that I will eventually kill myself. Im not sure how to write a suicide note, but if it’s bad I at least won’t have to live with it

Edit: and before anyone says the “don’t kill yourself, I care blah blah” bullshit platitudes: you do not know me. The person you are saying that to is some imaginary person you just made up in your head. A person who is “good enough” and “able to be loved”, and whatever other nonsense you thought of. But I am not that person. You wouldn’t know that, though. Because you do not know me.

  • deifyed@lemmy.wtfEnglish
    1·
    9 days ago

    I don’t get why you don’t think it’s possible. One person can love multiple people, so it’s not a question about if there’s people enough to go around.

    I’m also not sure why you insist forcing people into emotional labour is a requirement for it to be truly deserved. I guess our definitions of deserving differ. People deserve justice when wronged, but don’t always get it even though we have strong systems in place to try to achieve it. Even basic human rights are not guaranteed. Not sure if my definition of deserving something is right either though, mine is something along the lines of you fulfill a premise, therefore you are entitled to. You are inherently good, therefore you are entitled to love, at least in my opinion. That does not mean you are guaranteed love though. Because life is life and stuff is unfair.

    Oh and; only siths deals in absolutes

    • bellly@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
      2·
      9 days ago

      Oh I guess I misunderstood then. Yea not everyone is guaranteed love, but i could agree that everyone has the potential to be loved. I personally wouldn’t want to be loved by someone who loved multiple people, but thats because im selfish and entitled. Not that i needed to say that, though, because my evilness has already been thoroughly established it seems lol

      • deifyed@lemmy.wtfEnglish
        2·
        9 days ago

        Ah I was thinking love as in family or good friends.

        Anyway, I don’t think it’s selfish or entitled. You are allowed to be who you are, including your preferences. I also prefer a monogamous relationship for myself.

        What evilness if I might ask?

        • bellly@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
          2·
          9 days ago

          Ooh platonic love :0 I was thinking more along the lines of romantic love lol well, they’re both important anyway.

          Im evil because im not good, and because im not good im evil. Honestly, I just always felt like I was a bad person for no real reason. And because there’s no reason, im not sure how to fix it. If it even can be fixed at this point

          Edit:

          Important proof

          • deifyed@lemmy.wtfEnglish
            1·
            9 days ago

            Yet again I’m confused. Why does not being one thing turn you into the opposite? If a person goes through their whole life never doing a good deed, I wouldn’t call them evil. Just neutral I guess. It’s been a while since I reflected on moral philosophy… You are evil when your actions are evil. Maybe not even then. When your intentions are evil. People with good intentions can do bad stuff. I’d call them a lot of things, but probably not evil. People with evil intent can do good stuff, but… it would be easier for me to call that person evil. However; I think if you are able to understand the reasoning behind the evil intent, you’ll find the person either actually had good intentions clouded by a twisted world view, trauma or a disease. That’s what I mean by thinking people are inherently good. What I believe anyway.

            Also. Feeling like a bad person doesn’t make you bad. I doubt good people walk around feeling like good people. Personally; I hide behind intent. I intend to be a good person. Wether I am or not is not up to me to decide. Honestly I can’t judge myself. I’m biased. It wouldn’t be objective

            • bellly@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
              2·
              9 days ago

              Its just a deeply rooted feeling with no real reason behind it. Except maybe my shitty childhood. I thought using circular logic would illustrate how irrational it is, but it seems I didnt convey it very well.

              I try to be a good person, to offset the inherent bad. But its difficult, when the bad is immeasurable and the good can be counted on one hand (not literally)

              • deifyed@lemmy.wtfEnglish
                1·
                9 days ago

                I get that the bad is immeasurable, but isn’t good also immeasurable? How do you count the good?

                Also; why do you try to be a good person? As in what is your motivation for trying to be a good person

                • bellly@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
                  2·
                  9 days ago

                  The good is measured in the things I do, the bad in me being. I always am, so Im always inadvertently doing bad. Yes I know this sounds stupid.

                  I believe that suffering should be reduced as much as possible. So if I can, I try to make other people’s lives at least a little bit better, even if its just for a moment.

                  • deifyed@lemmy.wtfEnglish
                    1·
                    9 days ago

                    I believe that suffering should be reduced as much as possible. So if I can, I try to make other people’s lives at least a little bit better, even if its just for a moment

                    This is something only a good person would say