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This is one of my favorite greentexts ever
Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.
Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon
Don’t forget plenty of water.
plenty of water, indeed. it what makes the shit soft.
Instructions unclear. Tried to eat water.
That will get you insoluable fiber. Fruits and other veggies have soluable fiber.
The fact that bananas and avocado are being listed separate to "berries“ disproportionately angers me.
🫂
DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!
Bro forgot to drink more water too
you don’t necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn’t.
People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn’t scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you’ll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.
It’s like with cigarettes. The time lifestyle changes add or subtract comes off the now part.
Water based cooking wins again.
You know you’re just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
no I’m not drinking, I’m eating
you… chew… soup?
Oh boy, I can’t wait to get the coast and drink some chowder
- I like my water like I like my vitamins. CHEWABLE
something something bottled water left in the sun something microplastics.
I too love chewing ice.
But your tooth enamel certainly doesn’t :<
snow?
Oh, it can’t be that bad.
googles it
Oh fuck.
What the Shakespearean green text is this…
Oh gods Thank you for this I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext…holy shit. I’m in tears laughing. Thanks!
You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
I can’t believe that guy is still active. Or alive.
Thank you. This is glorious!
Hahaha omg that’s hilarious. I hope he lived
He has a bunch more where he eats a cactus and a bunch of other weird crap.
The old stuff (decade+ old) is the good stuff
I watched this with my wife and we both cried laughing
deleted by creator
How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.
Had a similar, but multiple factors smaller situation when I ate a bunch of celery and cheez whiz for a ‘snack’. Felt like I was shitting out a two by four.
I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.
This isn’t real, you’re just baiting because it’s lemmy… Right? …Right?
I did choose my wording purposefully due to our relationship with beans, but I assure you it’s real and worth finding
There’s too many beans stories and search sucks these days… I just went on a tangent and read my daily limit of green texts
It is fun to know there’s a story out there I’ve yet to come across though, I’m sure I’ll stumble upon it someday
Apologies friend, I’m having trouble finding it myself. But it’s a longer, more elaborate version of the “this nigga eating beans” meme that really punches it up with that greentext storytelling flair. If I ever find it again, I’ll post it here in your honor.
When ChatGPT was new, I had it rewrite that story in the style of Stephen King. I remember it ended with something like, “And in that theater, some say they can still hear the sound of a fork scraping the inside of a can of beans.”
What story is that?
Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.
Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they’re about to host
I thought it was xylitol?
No, maltitol is the one that gives everyone the immediate shits.
Personally, I use erythritol as a sugar replacer. While it can cause some bowel activity in large amounts, it takes a few hours to kick in and is more akin to eating a bunch of fiber
it was actually head on
Not one, but a full bag of them.
Not a full bag, just a few gummy bears. Maltitol is not to be trifled with
Search for “Sugar free gummy bears review”. There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy
The story of peanutbitter
What’s that?
It was a funnyjunk user who ate a whole bag of sugar free gummy bears and showed what the aftermath was of that decision
Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.
I think this is the most famous.
They have apparently changed the recipe since then.
Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
I’mma need the story link, officer.
The … What?
this was a glorious greentext to behold
Nearly shat myself laughing
What the fuck even has fiber? Like, I consider myself healthier than I was as a teen, less boxed shit and more chicken, stir fry is pretty good, corn, green beans, carrots, sometimes potato dishes.
But still my stomach is hit or miss with regularity
Well, wholemeal bread, for one?
Fiber teaches us lessons in moderation. I’ve been backed up by its overabundance and I’ve been backed up by its absence.
and if you go from 0 to 100% RDI instantly you get constant diarrhoea
fibre really covers the full spectrum of brown shades
‘my guts are yelling in German’ lmao
Gondor calls for aid
These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
Moose in heat living in my belly.
Dude, just have oatmeal for breakfast and eat whatever the rest of the time.
