On the other hand: I read about the lives of random terrorists, mass shooters, and I instsntly feel so much better about myself, at least I’m not that fucked up lol
I’ll bet you even regularly change your underwear!!
I’m married with a newborn, to the envy of my friends, who are all either single or in casual relationships. At the same time, I’ve got a shit job with shit pay and no education beyond high school, while all my friends are either working good jobs in their field or working on their masters degree. I’d love more than anything to have a steady job with good pay, even if it was a boring job, but with no education I don’t think that can happen. I’m very jealous of my friends and wish I could have what they have, meanwhile they look at me and say the same.
All that is to say, no one has it perfect, even if you think they’ve got everything you want, I can guarantee they wish they had something different, possibly something you’ve got. Don’t be so hard on yourself, comparing yourself to others.
Grass is always greener and whatnot
Offer them a 10% share of your newborn. They get a tenth of a kid (better than nothing), you get ~7k$ @ year. /jk
Fake: Anon cares about other people.
Gay: Anon stalks his highschool boyfriend long after breakup.
Essentially nothing here sounds like main character. This could be the most miserable mofo in the world. Grass is always greener…
On the other hand: I have the money and free time to afford and play any games that I want. Nothing dark about that.
I have kids, and I have the money but not time to play any game I want.
Everyone takes a different path in life, make sure you’re working in the direction you want to go and are comfortable with the consequences of that choice. I am happy with my chosen lifestyle, but I’ve met plenty with a similar lifestyle and aren’t happy.
I cheat my way through games, I may be losing some of the gameplay experience. But I like getting an hour to myself to play a game and not have to do repetitive in game tasks. Playing Roadcraft right now, and sure I could use the dump truck to drive back and forth to the sand pit 300 times or I could use a trainer, have unlimited sand and fill in anything that would prevent game progression. And increase the game speed so I can actually get things done in the small 60 minute timeframe I have. I envy those who can spend hours in the game getting absolutely nothing done.
Sometimes it takes a while. Run your own race, not theirs. I didn’t figure out what I wanted to do till I was 30. Before then I was absolutely anon, living in a room with a mattress, a PC and a pile of empty vodka bottles i sold plasma to pay for. Now I’ve got a career, a family, a home.
Dont compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own course to follow and their own struggles to get through.
I’m about to have my first child at 48. I wasn’t ready before now.
Pardon me asking (and feel free to ignore): Isn’t that scary to have a child so late in life? I’m worried about the impact my age will have on my relationship with my kids and I’m roughly a decade younger.
200 years ago people also had kids quite late.
And we live so much longer than even 40 years ago. Life is so much better and safer now.
But the nuclear family is much younger, so today’s kids rely much more heavily and directly on their parents with respect to kids 200 years ago. The “village” build around multigenerational housing has disappeared, making the age of parents a much bigger factor than earlier on
200 years ago people were having kids at 15-16
And at 40 and 45, since there wasn’t birth control.
I was honestly surprised when I looked at a genealogy site, so many of my ancestresses got married at 28-30, I guess reading Little House on the Prairie when I was a kid made me think all those women of old times married young but nope, that did not seem to be the case.
I just don’t see the point in worrying about it. I haven’t been scared since I found out and Idon’t think I will be now that’s it’s about 4 weeks away. I’ve been too busy buying and planning things and then I’ll be too busy changing nappies.
I’m just going to get on with it and not worry about it. The good news is that I’m already waking up in the middle of the night for a pee so I’m somewhat practiced at that.
That doesn’t sound fair to the child?
You’ll be barely up to keep up with them by the time they’re 10 you’ll be 60 and close to retirement. You’ll probably die of old age before they ever get married or to have you around to help them figure out adulthood.
[same disclaimer] Was it planned?
We were trying, yes.
Also back to your relationship question that I probably didn’t answer. I already know someone in advanced age with a kid and they have a great relationship. I haven’t even considered it. As long as I live a while longer I’m sure I’ll have a healthy relationship. I’m quite a chill person and young at heart and genuinely don’t see that as an issue.
If anything I think it might even be better! I genuinely think it will be beneficial that I’m not trying to grow up at the same time as my kid and can act as a caring and relaxed parent without any additional stress.
Congratulations, and I wish the very best for you, your child, and your loved ones! :)
Yes and there are no guarantees anyway, even if you are younger. My dad died when I was 16, he wasn’t old. I had some when young then some when older, it’s different for sure, more resources less energy but certainly better emotional regulation, less easily annoyed does help.
Congratulations!
I’m 29 and definitely nowhere near ready yet. This gives me hope
you can compare some people to a good cognac, the longer it matures the more taste it develops …
I feel the same. I don’t have everything I want in life but I heard somewhere, “Some are late bloomers, but everyone, blooms.”
Avoid the trap though. Things won’t just “happen” to make your life better. It takes actions and effort on your part to guide your life in the direction you want it to go.
I started transition in my early 30s, before that my plan was to kill myself. Now I’m trying to live the life I want, to be who I want.
More often than not, the friend is putting on a performance. I’m not saying people don’t have happily ever afters, but I am saying that people mostly show the best part of whatever they do.
I don’t feel a need to show off whatever I do, don’t even have a social media account. Apparently I am the strange one because I don’t feel a need to broadcast everything I do to anyone I have met.
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ngl, this is partially why I enjoyed deleting facebook in 2012. The ability to just impulsively compare myself to others is far too common on sites like that, so the freedom of not even having to worry about mistakenly glancing too long at an old friends profile is never a concern I have.
Tbh a reminder to get your shit together every once in a while might be beneficial to some
Better way to look at it, he did a speed run through the game and completed it with 30% of the whole game done… The other one is doing all of the side quests and extras so he can get 100%
aaaaaaand now I’m sad because that is my life.
Are you allowed a pet where you live? Sometimes all we need is a little affection and responsibility.
I have a rescue cat. She’s the reason why I haven’t offed myself yet. She’s my life
Your cat would want you to be happy. As long as you don’t forget to fill up the food bowl.
As depressed as I get, and as much as I don’t want to do anything, I ALWAYS make sure my girl is looked after. Clean litter, water bowl full and food twice a day
I don’t know you or how you’re feeling, but do you feel like you deserve the same consideration you give your cat when it comes to yourself?
I’ve been depressed so I know there’s a solid chance that answer is no and you probably feel pretty settled about why, but ask yourself if you were judging someone you love (maybe your cat) by the same metric would your answer for them be the same?
Depression is a real rough process, we’re rooting for you.
Make steps towards the life you want. I know that sounds big and scary but it’s small things and doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) be all at once.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparing your real, everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel is so much worse. I have been so much happier since getting rid of most social media. All the people I love, I can catch up with via phone calls.
that’s bedbugs
Possibly not fake
Might even not be gay
Looking up men online? Absolutely gay.
He got to play games and enjoy life his own way. No shame in that.
I would rather have a family than play fucking games. Wasted my childhood on that shit. it feels like I’m suffocating when I remember those times. He doesn’t seem to enjoy it very much. Neither do I. Nor would any sane person. Not to imply that I’m sane.
No sane person would enjoy playing video games?
No sane person would enjoy playing video games OVER having something more precious, like a family. At some point games just become a waste of time and detrimental to the goal.
You surely can enjoy video games, if it doesn’t stand between you, and your desires. Which in a lot of cases, it does.
That’s just not true. There are a lot of ways to lead a fulfilling life, and having kids is just one of them.
I get it, I have kids and have a satisfying life. I also know people who have kids and regret that decision. It’s not for everyone, and certainly not required for a fulfilling life.
What you consider a fulfilling life is a complex mix of philosophy, religion, and personal value system, and for many people, having children isn’t part of that equation. For some, it’s getting involved in charitable orgs, for others, it’s accomplishing some feat (say, climbing Everest), and for others, it’s raising children.
I can see video games as being one such fulfilling option, but it’s also a fallback when people don’t know what brings them satisfaction or feel like they can’t pursue it for whatever reason. I think it’s important to not disparage people’s choices here, while also suggesting new ways to find satisfaction with life.
I personally love video games, and I love my kids, so I play video games with my kids, or when I have time after other obligations have been satisfied. But I don’t see video games as a pursuit in itself, it’s merely a hobby I do when taking a break of other worthwhile pursuits, which in my case are raising children and bettering myself in line with my religious beliefs.
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Yup, a wife and kids aren’t for everyone.
I’m happily married with kids, but I tell people who ask to not have kids. The ones who want kids will ignore me, and the ones who don’t won’t guilt themselves into having them. Far too many people have kids they don’t want.
Yeah bro, how you spend your days is how you spend your life.
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
Sincerely, the first of her childhood friend group to get married
I think a similar way to say this is to always be trying new things and do self care. If you like a decorated house, decorate, but if you don’t, do a different form of self care.
For me, it’s more like:
- go hiking - I don’t enjoy the journey, but i like the accomplishment of having done it
- lift weights - again, I’m not looking to be big or whatever, but weight lifting is easy to measure progress
- try new hobbies - not just video games, but drawing (completely failed), game dev (mlderate success), carpentry, juggling, uncycling, etc
- eliminate clutter that doesn’t bring happiness and keep only stuff I value - I don’t like decorations, but I do like certain items than have sentimental value
Make your own list, and make sure to include things that challenge and stretch you, because there’s no joy like accomplishing something hard.
Decorating your home is more than self care, it’s an extension of personal style that applies to when you hsve friends and potential partners in your home.
I think using the term self care will really backfire with someone like oop, as it has a connotation of giving yourself a break, when my intentions were more to say that if you want a family or people in your life you need to live a life that fosters such things.
My definition of “self care” is taking time for yourself away from other obligations, like work, kids, etc. to do something that improves some aspect of yourself, like exercise, learning something new, preventative medical care, mental health, etc. It needs to have a specific goal and lead to some larger benefit than just enjoying yourself for an afternoon, otherwise it’s just “goofing off.”
For you, that seems to be decorating your home. You seem to value expressing yourself in that way to start conversations or just be around familiar surroundings. And that’s awesome!
I personally don’t find value in that, and having a spartan home is an expression of my personality as well. I may have a few things I find value in, but they’re usually utilitarian and not really decorations. I value my privacy, so the only people who know much about me are people I choose to share that with. I find value in minimalism, and having decorations and whatnot goes against that. So for me, self-care is eliminating stuff I don’t value, using the things I do, and pursuing longer term goals (exercise and whatnot).
Make sure that your form of self-care helps you achieve your goals. If that includes getting into a relationship, that self care should improve your chances to meet new people. Maybe that means updating your wardrobe, exercising and losing weight, of anything else that improves your self-image and confidence. Beyond that, you need to make time to actually meet new people. But maybe a relationship isn’t your goal, so your self care could look very different.
Self care should be part of your plan to reach your goals. If it’s not helping you reach your goals, it’s not self care and just a waste of time.
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
literally every single one of these things are things that i don’t like
- decorating. i love no decoration, no bullshit, bare-bones approach
- style. a way for fashion corporations to sell you a new t-shirt every week
- just do thingsTM. an agenda to make the economy run hot. consume things. visit the zoo. be part of our great imperial society.
- “Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week”. In other words, never just be happy with how things are.
- get out of your shell. finally, the instruction to leave your natural living habitat and, again, contribute to our great imperial society.
Counter points:
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I don’t have a counter point. This is just a matter of opinion.
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Buy fancy clothes from a yard sale or something. I like to get old time formal wear because it just looks well put together.
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You can go out and do things without spending money. Have a walk in the park, go to the library.
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I don’t know why you associate challenging yourself with not being satisfied. I think challenging myself is fun. It has the “put in the work, reap the rewards” kind of structure. I draw as a hobby, so I mostly challenge myself by trying to draw in unfamiliar art styles.
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This is just kinda sad. You’re aware that having friends isn’t imperialist, right? Friends are a part of every human culture, imperialist or not. Humans are social creatures, and we are very dependent on social interaction. Talking to others is the main way we compare our thoughts and perception to reality–we get a second opinion.
If you really feel that way, I’m sorry to hear that. It can be really hard to try and function ethically in the modern world, so you have to put in some effort to find ethical ways to do things. I hope you get to a point in your life where you feel good about your situation and your role in the world.
Have a nice day.
What they’re describing sounds like depression imo
thanks for the kind words :)
i’m actually ok with my life overall and i do talk to other people; it’s just that i think that the quality of the interactions matters more than the quantity and so i also stay at home a lot :D
edit: but yeah i also actually want to go out more. i just seldomly seem to have the motivation to then actually do it. i’ve thought about volunteering at food banks, but they don’t seem to need/want my help. i’ve gone there like three times and each time they had a different reason for why i shouldn’t help them today so i just kinda never went there again.
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Sounds like some defeatist bullshit. Playing games all day is no way to live.
Doing things is a way to be happy. I used to go out every week in my early 20’s, still do but not as constantly now that I’m in my 30’s. I love meeting people, making friends, falling in love, playing and seeing live music, working with my hands as an electrician, renovating my home, taking care of and loving my dog, traveling, exercising, biking. Hell I volunteered and planted trees with my city’s local government just because I was kinda bored the one summer. I’m engaged to the love of my life and my future and career is bright. I do all of this for my own fulfillment and for those that I love, the “contribute to society” stuff sounds like a 13 year old’s idea of the Joker. I don’t even have social media, unless you count lemmy I guess, so it’s not to “show off”
Style is more often than not just grooming yourself and looking presentable. Nobody is saying buy a t shirt every week.
“Never be happy with the situation” is also just a pessimistic viewpoint. If you put yourself in new and interesting situations, then you’ll be surprised how much fun or fulfillment or challenging mentally physically whatever they can be. If you don’t like it, then change it and don’t do it. Or don’t, and sit inside all day. It’s your life.
If you have a hobby… that hobby is legal, it causes no harm to others and it brings you enjoyment… and anyone… ANYONE… puts you down for it, berates you, mocks, makes out your enjoyment is purile, childish… that person is a wanker… plain and simple. They think they everyone else must live their life according to their standards, their idea of fun and anyone who doesn’t conform to their beliefs is a lesser person who deserves to be ridiculed.
There’s only 1 real rule in life.
Don’t be a wanker.
- Fair, I actually generally prefer a more minimalist approach, though I’ve found some art makes my home more inviting to myself and to guests. I prefer local art I pick up at community events, though making it yourself would be cool af
- Nah, most of my clothes come from a thrift store or swap meets. It’s about understanding what looks good on you and aiming for that. Learning to alter your clothes would also help with this
- There are non comsumptive things. Volunteer at food not bombs or a books to prisoners community. Get involved in your local leftist scene. Hit up a park you haven’t recently. Go for a hike.
- If you aren’t happy with how you’re living your life yes. If you like where your life is and are comfortable with that having been how you lived it, see my first paragraph of my previous comment and ask yourself why you care what advice some lady on the internet gives
- No, you lesrn to speak to people and make friends whether you want you contribute to our great imperial society or tear it down. Staying in all day alone isn’t a great act of rebellion it’s neutral sad.
If you stay at home all day, alone with bare walls and clothes that don’t express yourself or make you look good, never doing anything interesting or speaking to people, you finding friends and a partner as an adult are unlikely.
You should read some existentialist philosophy, man. L’Étranger seems like the book for you, my dude. Particularly, the bit about the guy and his dog.
existentialist philosophy
oh i love that. i’ve already read so much of it, it’s exactly my type :)
Maybe it’s time for a closer read of your favorite works.
- Decorating. That’s fair and relatable. The only stuff on my walls are what I got from my dad over the years.
- Style. If you wear clothes, you have a style. You don’t need to constantly buy new clothes to give a modicum of thought to how you present yourself.
- Just do things. I don’t know where you live but the zoos around me are free. Walking through a park is also free and something. I went to a gamer meetup a couple months ago that was free. If you look for them, there are options that don’t involve spending money but can be rewarding.
- Challenge yourself to do something. My challenge to my self each week is to write for 15 minutes. It’s great, gets my mind stretching a little thinking the new thoughts I’m putting to paper. Why would I stress about that the other 99% of the week? You can be happy with where you are while still wanting to better yourself.
- Get out of your shell. I take it you don’t like the society you live in. Fair bet is there are ways you think it could be better. Do you think those changes will materialize while you sit at home? Get out and meet people. If they want you to do something imperialist tell them no, that’s against your values. If they stop talking to you get out of your shell to meet other people. If they keep talking to you then you’re one step closer to building a society you actually want to live in.
