Seems a great many of you need this.
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Nope. Don’t need that.
Did you know that the reason imgur blocks the UK is that it is trying to evade a fine for selling children’s personal data?
They are a shit corporation and they already deleted old data for posters that didn’t have a paid subscription with them.
There are other image hosts.
Lemmy lets you upped directly to your instance and if gets federated.
Don’t use imgur.
If you have an interesting life then you can commandeer small talk and make it interesting. It’s an opportunity to introduce other material.
This is a really good way to get hated if you make every chat about some crazy thing that happened in your life, whether or not it’s real.
People like an occasional wild story but if you’re always “commandeering” small talk, people will avoid you. If you want people to actually enjoy hanging out with you, you have to balance this with a lot more asking questions about them, and making them feel equally important to the interaction.
Ok, not what I meant at all. Especially the part about making things up (why insert this?). I just meant that there’s no rule that small talk has to stay as such. You’re making it seem like I meant one should be an unhinged narcissist bragging about their life while ignoring everyone around them.
If you have an interesting life then you can commandeer small talk and make it interesting. It’s an opportunity to introduce other material.
Just reread it without the benefit of knowing your own intentions and think about how it sounds. (Also a great thing to do in conversation.)
It sounds however your own biases make it sound. This is a dumb game.
I actually feel like Arc Raiders has helped with this a bit.
I’m very distrustful of anyone who signals peaceful intent with nothing but an emote line. If people use voice comms, it shows a modicum of social openness, and helps humanize them. More often than not, people end up chatting about threats they’ve seen or where there’s useful loot.
There’s even a famous clip of a guy breaking open a bot who gets shot at, and he defuses the situation by yelling at the shooter that he expects better of him, and that they’re all just trying to get by.
It’s disturbing how many single women put on their dating profiles how much they hate small talk. Like, how else do you get to know somebody?
The complaint is about guys who want to text forever and not move forward. Heard that a lot when I was dating hot and heavy. Seems lots of guys are either just lonely and wanting to talk on dating apps or who aren’t bold enough to ask for the date in a timely manner.
You have to establish, quickly, that there aren’t any screaming red flags, then ask for the first date. If dating isn’t what you’re there for, go find something else to do.
It’s also a filter for wishy-washy men. Sorry guys, women like men who are decisive. Which a lot of men take to mean “be a controlling jerk”. Not the same, not even close.
There could be some sort of gray area between the two options of a) whiny wet napkin and b) aggressive asshole?
We should put some Bro Scientists on exploring this ASAP
So I’m old and greying now (in my late 30s), have no major stake in this but I’d like to reframe something you’ve said from a different perspective based on life experience.
I disagree that women like men who are decisive. It’s going to sound like pedantry but I think that’s too broad. That’s not a message that helps young men find a good way.
In my experience, women like it when men are thoughtfully and respectfully decisive. Men are complex, sophisticated, have good days, bad days, strong days, days when they feel weak. Days when they’re decisive and days when they are not. I don’t think we can split men into two camps - decisive and indecisive - without oversimplifying. A man can be decisive one day and indecisive the next.
The messaging that reached me as a young man, which I detested, was to be decisive above all else (at the expense of thoughtfulness and consideration) because indecisiveness would repel women even more than being a bad person. That’s not the message that I’d like young men to hear. I’d like the world to be a better place than when I was growing up.
This comment is not so much directed at you as it is to others who may come across it and have had a similar experience. Be decisive but if and only when you’ve taken her and others into account. This is how you earn the respect of your contemporaries.
I’m old and greying now (in my late 30s)
You can kiss my ass, whipper snapper.
None of what you’ve said rings false or against my experience.
So I’m old and greying now (in my late 30s)
Fuck off, i had a boss in his late 40s that had two affairs (both in their 30s & blond) in my two years there. A small 5-people company, so not a status thing. To be fair, he looked ageless, but 30s is not too old for dating.
Btw, is this good small talk?
Did you read the post?
*friendly noises
HONK <3
*reciprocal friendly noises
If it’s to simply make noises to assert non-violent intentions, then I say we can be more than our natural urges without giving into these innate tendencies. Sincerely, an introvert.
Just remove all violent people first
I like to start of with small talk and then get into political issues and ridicule people. No idea why they don’t like it
I’m an introvert and I enjoy small talk.
Calm down, brother. You must resist those biological urges. We are civilized now. 😉
I’m sorry, sister. I will do better.
Amen
Yeah the scripted back and forth is not nearly as draining to the social battery. It’s almost like when you’re sitting quietly with someone enjoying three mute presence.
Not quite there, but like farther asking along that spectrum than say a conversation where actual information or promise to act is the goal.
Not me. I can tell when you’re just smiling and nodding, and not actually listening. It’s very obvious when people do it, and is usually my cue to stop talking cause no one actually cares.
Honestly, my favorite people are the ones who love to talk and are horribly desperate to babble to potential listeners. I’m not much of a talker but I absolutely dont mind looking you in the eyes and nodding my head as you talk about your hobby or current going ons.
In bigger social groups I noticed this weird thing fellow humans tend to do where they all want a slice of being the talker/ center of attention and constantly cut off eachother or tune out current speaker waiting for them to shut up so they can start their monkey babble turn.
This behavior absolutely infuriates me and I refuse to take part in it. I would rather just be silent and let you say your piece than interrupt the flow.
As a knock on effect people subconsciously notice I’m not competing with them for talk time and am sending them constant listening signals like looking in the eye nodding head “mhm got you” stuff. This seems to really go a long way with making friendly with talkative types with minimal effort.
Hobbys or current going ons is nice, but that’s not small talk. That’s just talk. Not big talk nor small talk, more like medium talk. It’s where they tell you stuff about themselves that actually matter, but not in a revolutionary way.
Small talk is chatting about the weather or talking about that person at work.
i posit current going ons can be anywhere from small to heavy talk, depending on the weight and/or severity of the ongoings.
This lasts right until I learn that someone likes bugs. Then I just show them the most recent bug picture I have taken. So much less energy. So much less nerve-wracking. I want to show you my cool bug photos and I want to see your cool bug photos. We know what we’re about (we’re about sharing cool bug photos).
“ … and here I forgot an ampersand so the parameter was passed by value instead of by reference and I spent so much time …. Oh. You meant the other kind of bugs, didn’t you?”
I’m into cats, psychology and game development
do you have any bug pics on your computer
This isn’t a meme
About 1/3 of comms on here fail when I try to post. This space didn’t used to work, does now.
I post, the screen refreshes taking me back to a blank entry page. 🤷🏻 Someone looked into a few that I complained about and I’m not blocked. No idea.
Kay
That could be a meme
That is dada
This isn’t a hobbyhorse
But it’s a pipe! WTF? I just don’t get art. /s
It’s not a pipe, it’s a picture of a pipe.
Nice one MrsDoyle! You cut through the absurd B.S. beautifully! Thanks!
This is not philosophy
But I can perceive it, therefore it exists! If not philosophy, then what? /s
This isn’t a meme
So, how’s the weather?
There has been a month of constant wet drizzle here.
Weirdly cold for NW Florida, froze 2 nights in a row. Back to normal, 50F nights, 70F days.
That sounds lovely. Yesterday was cold, but today is going to be hot.
Damn well this was the perspective change I needed today
If I helped one person, more than worth the tiny effort!
“Hi, I’m very friendly, you don’t have to be afraid of me, i don’t want to harm you, we are identical!”
I will start approaching people like this.
It works great! Now I only very rarely need to tell people to go away.
is making animal noises at each-other a sufficient way of small talk? asking for ourselves.
Cicadas do nothing but shreik unholy shrill screams until someone else of their species decides to have sex with them, so why don’t we give that a try?
Tried that. Got kicked out of the stripclub. Had to have lunch somewhere else.
I mean… it works for animals?
This exchange reads like Archer dialogue and I’m digging it
We have the tism and many of our vocal stims is animal noises (esp cats/dogs si de we grew up with them) and we just make anima noises with our partner or just be with eachother in silence and it’s calming/welcoming :3
Context dependent, but I’ve definitely meowed as a non-threatening greeting before
Wonderful xD
stare
sniff
bite
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It’s now viewable. Why TF was this regionlocked
