Having a diagnosis officially opens up some doors for the world to wait for you. That’s one of the major helpful parts of having the diagnosis. It means that you are officially diagnosed with a disability, and that certain allowances would be made for you under the law (if you live in a country with such provisions).

Even without medication, that can make a world of difference and is an important factor in getting an official diagnosis.

Extra time for college or work assignments, a more flexible schedule, a private work space, noise canceling headphones, etc can be beneficial along with the coping mechanisms he’s trying to get you to develope in order to facilitate a better management of your condition.

That’s probably the conversation you should be having with this therapist. Because if he can’t legally give you a diagnosis he should put in a referral for a doctor who can. And if he can give you a diagnosis, I think he should be doing the job you pay him for.

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No it is not ok, if that is the justification the therapist is giving to not to provide you with the medicine you need.

I’m getting a lot of help from medication, but I have waaay too much anxiety to take a proper stimulant, so I take an SNRI instead which has the added benefit of not requiring jumping through a bunch of hoops every month to get (as you say, hard with ADHD). You do also need to understand that medication will NOT replace the need to learn coping mechanisms, but it may make it easier to do so. It probably is worth finding someone willing to use medication.

You’ve gotten some good answers but I’ll add my few cents and I think it mirrors some of the other comments but maybe it’ll help hearing it in a different way. Yes, you do need to “learn to live with it”, in that, you need to be able to recognize how it affects you and those around you and you need to take action to minimize the negative effects. The recognizing and taking action part is the part that a qualified therapist, with a background in ADHD, should help you.

The Last Podcast on the Left guys have a good quote for mental health issues, “It’s not your fault but it is your problem”

Yes, you need to learn to “live with it” but your therapist should be able and willing to assist/support you in that. That being said, you probably need a different therapist, at least for help with ADHD.

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i “just dealt with it” for 3 decades, but finally getting medication has been a huge help. your therapist can’t prescribe medication, a psychiatrist has to do that. see if you can get a referral.

If he is saying ADHD is your trait, then you absolutely should learn to live with it because it’s not going away. Medication is one way of helping yourself live with it, but ADHD itself can’t really be treated the way depression can. It’s how your brain is hardwired. I recommend surrounding yourself with people who are similar to you or at least educated about it.

What he’s saying is as true as it is unhelpful

People often need to try multiple doctors before one clicks and their ability to help aligns with what you need.

Clearly this therapist cannot help you with ADHD. I don’t think it’s a bad perspective that these are still traits and we do need to learn to live with them but I would still suggest a new one if possible.

Many of us need medication to adhere to modern society productivity requirements and that is literally not our fault.

It’s a disability. Like with most disabilities, rich people can afford to take the time they need to get around and do things at their own pace. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t let the majority of people exist that way so that’s why it’s a disability, but not a disease.

I lived for years without meds before COVID and wish I still could.

Not everyone can or should, however, should you be able to find a way to roll with it and use it while recognising your limits and when you need to change tasks etc, it can be much better to use tools than to use medication.

Medications like ADHD meds are not a type of medication that builds up and maintains a status quo of effect. They burn out and they must, because most of them are methamphetamine based and would keep you up all night.

So, like pain meds, ADHD meds have a pendulum effect. Whatever ADHD focus is without them is a baseline; the pendulum is at rest. When you take them, your focus improves greatly which makes all the other symptoms easier, and now your relative baseline from your perspective has shifted. You want normal to feel like that all the time, and by comparison, your natural baseline is much much worse.

But then the meds wear off, and you take dive in the evening. Rather than returning to your normal baseline, you go more off the rails as your perspective has shifted, which increases the overwhelming nature of your baseline, and its like the pendulum swings past the resting point into a level of disorder you’ve never felt.

As someone who struggles with weight due to ADHD hyperfocus combined with late night cravings, this is a death knell to self control and weight control; however as mentioned without the meds post-covid, I cannot focus at my job. So they are absolutely necessary now.

Its better to not deal with a swinging pendulum, but sometimes its better to get yourself into a better place.

If your therapist is not working for you, it is time to get a new therapist.

Did you talk to the therapist about these thoughts? I’ve called out my therapist on stuff that didn’t make sense to me/questioned why they say stuff/said stuff like “this seems impossible for me” or “I don’t think I have the strength” etc. In all cases my therapist had good responses, and was able to clarify, and in the end established more trust.

Is he a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds, or just a therapist?