One that comes to mind for me: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is not always true. Maybe even only half the time! Are there any phrases you tend to hear and shake your head at?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
No. What doesn’t kill you creates trauma.
“All’s fair in love and war”
No it isn’t you fucking sociopath
Not a fan of “it is what it is”. It’s called a thought-terminating cliche. It often means “I’m tired of talking about this, do it my way” when my boss says it.
I’ve always liked it. I guess it depends who is saying it because when my old boss said it, it meant more like, “this is the situation we’re in, let’s not waste time arguing about why it is the situation and let’s just focus on dealing with it and going forward”
,I feel like this one is context dependent. Sometimes it’s just acceptance of the situation.
“Wish it weren’t so hot outside, but this is Texas in August. It is what it is.”
An entirely hollow statement, yet somehow ringing with apathy.
Well, it is what it is.
“Agree to disagree” is even worse, especially since often the thing you’re arguing about is an empirical goddamn fact and they are not entitled to “disagree” about it. That’s not having a difference of opinion; that’s just fucking being wrong!
It’s what it’s
I use it when people keep complaining about situations they cannot change. Yes, we fell in the hole, yes it hurt, please just let’s focus on how to get out.
“Ah fuck, this hole sucks! Who even dug that here!? My shoes are dirty, my pants are a mess!” …
“Well… It is what it is. Let’s get out.”
It do be like that
I like it. It’s premise is accepting things beyond your control, allowing someone to stoically move forward rather than dwell in anxiety and disbelief.
Ooo I get that one, but kinda the opposite way. I tell someone it has to be done this way, or to a certain standard, for it to be right. They don’t want to, so they respond with that nonsense.
I agree, when it’s used as a thought-terminating cliché. It’s also very applicable to impart acceptance of something that you can’t control.
I used it today to communicate my feelings on a topic I can’t control. Like, me venting isnt going to improve my or the questioners situation.
In principal I am against thought-termination. Sometimes, like a good dog, you gotta put a thought out of its misery
I use it more in acceptance, like if I’m late for work and I hit traffic. Short of driving up the shoulder like an asshole, I’m going to be late. So rather than be stressed for the rest of my commute, I just accept that I’ll be late. It is what it is.
Tautology is tautology, as I say.
Interesting. I use it to indicate I may not like a situation, but I have to play the have I was dealt to the best of my ability, and sometimes… Well to quote lyrics, “got to know when to hold cem, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”
It’s good for when talking about things beyond your control. They way your boss is using it is bullshit. In that case, it is what he’s choosing to decide it is.
Titties what titties. Why did I think this would be funny
“Everything happens for a reason .”
No. Fuck no, and fuck you. I DARE you to say that to the faces of the endless innocent people—many of whom are CHILDREN—who have been murdered, tortured, abused, enslaved, raped, ect.
I hate how people use this but not the phrase itself.
Everything DOES happen for a reason. It’s literal, precise, and accurate. Reasons dont need to be mysterious, aloof, or unknowable. They often are because we choose to stop learning but everything does happen for a reason so start looking for better questions
The reasons just don’t necessarily come with any moral take away attached.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used. It’s people saying: “Don’t be sad, something good will come of it.” to the faces of grieving parents or deathly ill people who have nothing to look forward to but pain.
Religious/spiritual proselytising has completely alienated the phrase from the methodological naturalism it could express.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used
My exact point. Im glad you agree with me
All those innocent people being abused usually have a reason behind it too; it’s just that the reason is usually corporate greed and a lack of ethics in politics.
I mean, everything does happen for a reason. It’s just that most of the time, the reason is “because so-and-so is an asshole”. It makes it essentially a useless platitude, but not an untrue one. I definitely take issue with the implication of it, that there’s some supreme, all-knowing authority in the universe who has this complicated, labyrinthine plan for everyone that involves massive amounts of suffering. That whole “mysterious plan of God” thing is a way for Christians to take credit for all of the good stuff that happens, while downplaying all of the bad stuff that happens as just “part of God’s plan!” It’s insidious.
Second time I’m bringing it up in this thread, but in response to exactly that kind of thinking is why I’ve adopted “the universe doesn’t care, so we have to” as a phrase I try to live by.
There are so many popular ways of thinking that absolve humans and humanity of various kinds of responsibility.
It’s not good.
Key indicator of privilege right there.
My preferred response to this is, “Entropy. The eventually and unstoppable heat death of the universe where none of this matters is the reason.”
I think I get the sentiment that you are angry at but there is nothing wrong with that statement. It just doesn’t mean “whelp, there must be some higher purpose those things are serving that we don’t see” and is more like “there are some awful people doing bad things” or “they just were living in a seismic area” or “they had some genes not compatible with their survival”… There are always reasons. Not satisfying or purpose fulfilling reasons, just reasons.
I used to say this when I was a cringy 20-year-old, before I really saw and understood the world (and still believed in a god).
“Grow up and live in the real world” / “Life’s not fair” / other thought-terminating cliches used to shut down anyone who wants the world to be a better place than it is. Like, I fucking know it’s an unfair place. The whole point is that I would like for it to be less unfair.
I got told “life isn’t fair” so many times growing up, I came up with a default comeback: “Doesn’t mean you have to be.”
A version of it has grown to became my tenet in life: “The universe doesn’t care, so we have to.”
life isn’t fair
It’s not as pithy, but I think “Just because you didn’t get your way, doesn’t mean it’s unfair” would be a better sentiment for adults to tell children.
Or “I don’t fucking care what happened, I just don’t want to hear you whine about it”. Hardly an acceptable way to talk to children, but I think it’s what adults in my life meant when I was a child.
When someone who’s trying to exploit me says that, I literally just beat the hell out of them to remind them how right they are and that their means of dominance isn’t the only one. Real world strikes again! This time it’s the reason we have manners!
I hate how “well life is just not fair” shuts down so many very much needed discussions.
That being said, I say that a lot, especially to myself whenever someone, again, including myself, is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness. No, that’s not how world works.
Funny thing is that those kind of people tend to not care about other people’s struggle or fairness.
is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness
Why do you think anyone does not deserve to be treated fairly?
I believe treating people fairly, obviously.
But you’ll have hard times that don’t seem so fair; car accident, illness… What I meant by people not deserving fairness is for that kind of things
I actually am guilty of using that when people try to tell me “there’s someone out there for everyone.” Or “don’t worry, you’ll find someone who loves you for you.”
Like no? Life isn’t fair, there’s no guarantee of anything.
To your point I agree though, discussing what we’d like to improve is important.
“You’ll find someone who loves you for you,” is totally true, as long as you are also continuously lowering your standards until you find them.
“Life isn’t fair” always bothered me, even as a kid, because it was used against me to dismiss unjust actions.
Saying something isn’t fair is basically saying it’s not right, it’s not just.
Trying to claim the injustice against me is moot or unimportant just because there’s lots of injustice in the world, seems bonkers to me.
It’s an accurate statement. Life isn’t fair, or right, or just. However, it ignores the fact that we as humans can choose to try to make it those things.
It’s true though. Saying this is not necessarily meant to be the end of a discussion.
Everyone knows that, though. So what’s the point of saying it when someone is trying to make things more fair?
Because saying things, even if they are known, is a thing humans do for various reasons. It seems that sometimes they need to be reminded simple truth.
Nah. Someone lamenting that the world is unfair and needs to change does not need to be reminded that the world is unfair.
"Pull up by the bootstraps"aka bootstrapping was a phrase originally coined to mean something being literally impossible and is now used as a tool to shame the poor for not overcoming nearly impossible social barriers.
“That’s just how they are” is always used to excuse bullies for being bullies.
“He/she just tells it like it is” No, they are just saying things that resonate with you, but have no actual alignment with data, facts or morality. Simply saying things with no filter doesn’t equal “like it is”. I find it is usually attributed to, at best, oversimplified or completely ignorant statements, at worst, misleading and/or hateful statements.
They’re just saying that it feels good to their confirmation bias.
“they say racist things and i like that because people don’t like it when i say it. this way i can be racist but outsource the messaging”
good for other kinds of bigotry and douchebaggery
You just reminded me of this
Those who champion “brutal honesty” are more interested in the brutality than the honest
I think it depends on the context. If we have an expert on a topic who tries to use some form of simplified Modell and direct speach to make his knowledge more understandable for everyone it is true. Even tho it may be simplified it still contains the most important parts.
But that isn’t the context that phrase is normally used in. That phrase is more like a euphemism for “I’m an asshole, but want it to sound like I’m not”
That’s true
Unused ram is wasted ram. Pisses me off to no end. What I do with my ram is my concern, I don’t want you bloating up and using it.
In response to gross privacy violations from big companies and governments:
“If you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to fear.”
Here’s a great response to that:
If you’re at a house party and you need to take a shit, do you do it with the door wide open so everyone can see and smell you? Or do you actually understand, when it comes down to it, that there are valid reasons for wanting privacy other than wanting to get away with something wrong or illegal?
Just reading this makes me SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!
“Quick question” just means you want a quick answer
I see it like a special move.
Like I’m interjecting/interrupting.
So like “Quick question attack! Where did you get that pie?”
I try to only use that when it’s information I expect the person already knows and can answer quickly (i.e. generally very concrete yes/no questions of low complexity)
Yeah, I use it in contexts where if they know the answer offhand, great please help, but if they don’t know, I’m not requesting they spend time or effort looking it up. I can do that myself and don’t intend to offload that part.
It’s like a short answer question on a quiz rather than a research paper term assignment, except leaving the answer blank on the quiz is an acceptable answer.
I use this, and I struggle a little to disengage when the person I ask interprets it as “help me figure out how to solve this” when they don’t actually have the “short answer”.
I think there is rarely a short answer despite what the question implies
Yeah, that’s fair, especially in software work.
“lets agree to disagree”
how about fuck you, one of us is wrong and I want to know which one of us that is!
Most people don’t care about what’s true, something that took me forever to realize. Encountering humanity under the assumption that everyone cares about the truth (or any aspect of empirical and normative reality) is bound to be suuuper confusing until you figure things out. People are literally animals (we forget that), and animals are just trying to survive. Some of them are cute or loving. Not all of them are particularly “good,” and even fewer are willing to sacrifice creature comforts in pursuit of some abstract virtues. That’s why Trump gets any votes.
This is also an autistic thing of being more logical in reasoning.
I only got diagnosed at age 30, and had some bad relationships due to me wanting truth and them feeling personally attacked by my questions.
Could be why it took you some time to realise, as most neurotypical people think in past experience for reasoning. https://psychcentral.com/autism/why-people-with-autism-are-more-logical#autism-and-logical-thinking
Hmmm, while I see your point on the phrase, my friend group and I only ever use it on subjective things. Like orange juice or chocolate milk being better, for example. If we’re both arguing (in a fun way) and have no good points to change the other’s mind, then we agree to disagree. Haha
but there is just no right or wrong answer to every question… sometimes it’s just about opinion.
sometimes these questions are trivial (which color of tie should I wear with this shirt) and sometimes they are literally life and death questions (should death penalty be legal)… and there will always be people with opposing opinions on them. “agreeing to disagree” is literally the best possible thing they can do to live in the same society.
I find it really useful to shut down discussions where no one is budging and are just overall a big waste of time. As an example, if I’ve been trying to convince someone that the earth is round for 10 minutes and they clearly don’t have any interest in changing their view, I’ll just spare me the trouble and say it. If they still refuse to let it go, I start blindly agreeing with them, that usually does the trick.
god loves you/god bless
I’m sure I’ll get guff for this but, “common sense”. Throughout my youth, when people told me something was common sense, I usually thought they were wrong.
“it’s just a few bad apples”
That’s only half the saying. It is used most of the time as if the full thing is “a few bad apples aren’t a problem because the rest are fine” rather than the real thing “a few bad apples spoil the lot.”
Yeah. I always vehemently agree with the person misusing. “Yes! That’s exactly it. A few bad apples spoil the bunch. Perfectly captures the problem, friend! Good call.”
In French, it is actuall “a single apple” spoil the whole thing “une pomme pourrie gâte tout le panier”
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you numb and traumatized, not stronger. Big difference.
Whatever doesn’t kill you might make you stronger, but it might also make you weaker. It’s highly dependent on the circumstances.
Jimmy Carr said it best:
My father always said ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…until the accident.’
I liked the quote from Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons:
“You know what they say, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
“Oh ho ho ho, no… It’s made you weak as a kitten!”
Yeaaahhhh Nietzsche was making a very different point about convalescence but of course popular culture bastardized it. If Nietzsche knew that he was going to become an anthem for white girl positivity, he would… well, he’d probably gloat because he predicted that. But his gloating would look like misery.
Nietzsche and out of context excerpts, you can’t possibly name a better pair.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me wish it did
Tell that to everyone with diabetes 2 that.
