I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
I’m horrible at acting in my own best interest and will say no to opportunities because i don’t feel like i deserve it or that I’m capable of doing something.
I need to get a grip when driving and not let others upset me so easily.
Stay in the basement. No driving required.
I read somewhere that if you’re angry when you’re driving, you’re actually angry about something not driving-related. It’s just manifesting while you’re behind the wheel.
I don’t know about that, I’ll be fine until someone with no comprehension of “right of way” nearly kills me. Those moments usually create a string of angry swears that would make a sailor proud.
7Hey fellow road rager! I too suffer from this aillment while knowing at the same time that it could be life threatening if I cross paths with an armed short fused a$$hole. I live in a very high traffic city with stuff to do on both sides of it, taking my kid to some classes results in a two hour commute and then two hours back home. Not easy and it makes me want to light my hair on fire sooooo me and my kid play the “maybe” game:
Maybe that guy cut me off because he is pooping in his pants (Kid laughs and it Takes the edge of me bursting into flames)
Maybe that lady trying to pass me in a not so nice way is late for her flight to (insert whatever place you/your kid think of and talk about what things you’d like to do there. While in Italy, for example, we thought about asking for a pizza with pineapple on it and putting a clown wig on the David)
I could go on and on (I won’t) but the main thing is to redirect my anger as energy to somewhere else.
I find it amusing when I do it with my kid because it helps us connect while spending time together. When I am by myself I play it too, but the NSFW version: This guy is tailgating me because he cannot wait to get pegg3d when he gets home. Etc etc. I chuckle for a bit and let it pass. Not kink shaming anyone at all.
Maybe I am a bit insane but this has helped me tremendously.
Great outlook i need to try this
That I wasted over a decade trying to figure out what was wrong with me on my own before I finally got professional help.
Anxiety and taking care of others before I take care of myself.
When people told me I was smart as a child/young adult, what they really meant was I was showcasing a skill they lacked, which the overwhelming majority of people don’t give a shit about an adult having.
Often synonymous with just having an above average vocabulary. Ohhhh if only that’s all it took to be truly smart …
I’m just not that… (insert thing here)
It’s easy to do when we’re all surrounded constantly by the paradox of money meaning nothing at all, but also the only material thing that dictates the action and activity of everything past and future
Biggest Pill I’ve had to swallow is that no matter much I love programming and will continue my computer hobbies for life. I will never make a profession out of it. I’m slowly coping with the fact that all my work will ultimately influence very nearly nothing at all…
On the other hand I have found a lot of people who turn the hobby they love into a business and it ruins the joy they found in their hobby.
That is certainly a bright side of the matter isn’t it. Maybe keeping the joy alive is more critical than the bread?
I feel you. I think about how intangible code is and how quickly that will fade from existence… It’s heavy, to say the least. And yet the challenge ever calls me to solve a problem with ones and zeroes.
I built a business with my code, and it helps save/improve hundreds of thousands of lives around the world. I don’t want to doxx myself so won’t give any further info.
Just because it’s intangible, your code can still potentially have a huge amount of value.
I agree. The impact can be real, and that’s the case for my coding job too, maybe to a lesser extent than yours. A lot of days I think I have my dream job. But still, digital data isn’t like a Roman ruin or something. It will be gone in 1000 years. Just wild to think about, and sometimes I feel like that fact matters.
If it helps, you’re not alone. I’ve spent decades of my life pursuing a career, and in the past five or so years I’ve come to realize I will never accomplish the things I used to dream about, like making an impact in my little field, etc. It’s a really, really unpleasant realization. The only silver lining I can find for myself (and it is helpful) is that I can let go of the “must excel” and “must go above and beyond” mentalities. It frees up time and mental resources.
I love programming and will continue my computer hobbies for life. I will never make a profession out of it
Why do you say that? Is it by choice or do you not see how you could make it a career?
I’m slowly coping with the fact that all my work will ultimately influence very nearly nothing at all…
What kind of impact were you hoping for? I mean lots of jobs have little “influence” - I would actually say almost all jobs. But that doesn’t mean we are not all part of collective progress.
Could certainly be argued as a choice ultimately. I didn’t quite finish my BS in CS, I’m entering my 30s with a wife that depends on me not leaving my decent and steady warehouse mgmt job atm. I’ve tried a couple of times–last time I was building a great portfolio maintaining a hobbyist arch distro, but I just never got past the interview stages. My network is too small, and the job market seems to be a dumpster fire with no upturn in sight.
I know these are excuses and ultimately it is a choice that I shouldn’t give up on my dreams the way I am, but I wanted to answer your question as honestly as possible for some reason. As far as impact, it’s basically been a lifelong dream of mine to just make software that helps improve the quality of life of as many sentient beings as I possibly can. I know it’s immature and overly idealist, but I can’t shake it
Open source projects and/or contributions can be a good way in.
- Work that is publicly visible to anyone, proving what you can do
- Building a network with the people you interact with
- Learning from open source code & the people who are parts of projects
I didn’t know anything about coding when I decided to fix a small bug in my KDE system that was bugging me… I poked around, asked some questions, figured it out bit by bit… which led to contributing to KDE more, and now I am a paid KDE developer. I now literally get paid to do something I am passionate about, working on a project that I feel makes a very real impact on the world.
I highly recommend open source to help break into the field. Anyone willing to learn and put some effort in can do it, no previous experience needed. :)
I don’t think it’s immature - I wish more people had that kind of motivation.
But you say you’re entering your 30s. I’d just like to remind you how long time you actually still have. I studied computer science myself and I had multiple friends at the university in their 40s. People do switch up their careers if they want it enough. It is possible.
These are the comments that do me in. Time to repolish the resume and my most practical projects. I can’t believe I’m getting serious about this again, but I do believe in my drive, determination, and earnest passion to be the change I want to see in the software world. I know it’s pointless, and I will almost certainly fail quite miserably, but I also know I have to go down swinging or my soul will rot from the regrets. I just have to fail better–I have to do it despite the pointlessness.
There is nothing pointless about following your passions - in fact I’d say that is the only point of life. It’s the opposite of pointless.
Maybe you need to reframe it as not failure, but progress. See how you get better and closer, not how you didn’t reach the goal. It’s about the journey.
I’m not here to influence things. I was in the thick of it for a bit, but I’m here now.
I love coding. I get to do it for money. It allows me a nice little apartment in a nice environment and with my wife chipping in her half we’re a little insulated from financial strife. A little.
That’s it. I code, I eat food and live with a beautiful girl who seems to care for me, and we occasionally get to go see family or a strange new place. I’m flying as close to the sun as I dare.
Find peace in your existence and enjoy what you’re doing, whether programming is the bread or it’s the butter. It’s all a means to an end of doing something you love for what little time we have here.
I had the opposite, I hated coding and never wanted to do it as a job… But here I am, 9-5 coding. 😅
I did realise at some point that it was actually Java that I hated, not programming. I do, however now work with Kotlin.
Intelligence and depression go hand-in-hand. Thank God for drugs.
My brother is so smart he can rationalize his way out of seeking help for his chronic depression. I once told him about a FREE depression meds trial and he said “I don’t want to be artificially happy.” I responded “So you’d rather be naturally miserable?”
The human race is a constant disappointment
For me, it was “saying no doesn’t make me a bad person.” I was raised around extremely Christian people who emphasized that you should be there for everyone, even at the expense of self.
The problem is, people eventually take advantage of you. Also, when you finally say “no” to them, they act as though you’re a terrible person.
This is similar to “be a soldier and suck it up”. I used to keep my objections to myself and go along with things. This doesn’t make your feelings go away, instead it makes resentment build up along with passive aggression. I now speak up but do so reasonably nicely.
I felt this loaf
I try to remind myself that when I do say yes, they’re never quite as happy/appreciative/etc. as I expected or hoped for.
I try to please the people but the people aren’t even pleased, ugh.
“Yo, you could be at least a little happier and grateful about it, you know I could be {doing something else that I actually enjoy}, I’m just doing this for you!”
I’ve experience this first hand, and watched it from the other side. My mother is extremely “Christian”, and that’s one of her phrases there. To her, people helping her became an expectation, not an act of kindness. She was a single mom, and so people around town would help her out. Like our local appliance guy, he’d give her a deal on a new dishwasher - and then she would push her luck and ask him to install it. And then start calling him directly when the slightest thing might be wrong with it. And then for other appliances. And then for random handiman stuff. She of course never repaid him for everything he did.
Because he’s a Christian, and so was she. So of course he was “happy” to do it for her. A few people eventually did tell her no, and she would immediately convince herself that they were bad people and that she “had to cut them out of her life” because of the negativity.
Reading this shocks me. This is my own Catholic mom exactly! The phrase she always throws around is “family first”, and I’ve had to help her so many times of which she shows appreciation. But when I turn her down, she throws guilt trips at me and sometimes goes as far to suggest I don’t care. Despite setting boundaries for many years, she’ll still test the waters.
I had this recently. My parents wanted me to make a full hour round trip drive across town to pick them up in the middle of the night so they could save $50 on a taxi. I said, “No,” as I have kids to look after now, and my mom launched into how I’m not family first anymore and after all the things she did for me as a kid, she can’t depend on me to pick her up.
I stuck to my guns though. They conned my brother with the same story, but I set a boundary.
Agree with the other commenter. If she ever pulls that line with you again make sure you throw it right back at her. “You’re right, family first. That’s my kids and my spouse.” Maybe she’ll start to realize the family shifts as you age.
Wow, the “family first” remark, while you’re taking care of your kids, gets me. That’s so familiar.
It’s as if people hearing “no” from you, when you would normally just cave in and do whatever was requested, is an act of aggression from people. It’s strange… they become so hateful.
Good on you for sticking with your boundaries!
Alcohol isn’t everyone’s friend, I was an alcoholic at 18, and refused to acknowlege that fact and kept denying it in the face of all the evidence. When I finally asked for help and quit drinking at 45, I realised how much of a mess I’d made of my life. Thankfully I’ve been sober since (going on 7 years now). Addiction is not a joke people.
I’ve basically learned that drinking sucks. A long time ago I would drink 1 beer a day, 2-3 on weekends. A few years later I cut it down to 1 a day. A few years after that I cut to 3 a week. This year I do 1 occasionally. When I have that 1 I sleep like crap, my stress score is higher, I gain weight and feel bloated, and it’s just not worth the buzz. I am considering a full quit, or cut back to 4 a year. I have quite the liquor cabinet, lots of good stuff, but basically stopped drinking it.
Same, although I’m shy about the alcoholic label. But the fact is I was sadder and less motivated, even when I managed to drink “moderately,” and I feel better in every conceivable way since I stopped. I feel like I can trust myself to handle things straight-on now.
Honestly I understand what you mean, for me it was the opposite, my family and close friends had been telling me about my abuse for decades. So when I finally admitted I owned the word Alcoholic. I’m a happily recovering one. Good on you for managing!
Good for you, brother! Stay strong. I’ve stayed drug-free/alcohol free my entire life, but only because I’ve watched loved ones go thru addiction, so I realize how tough it is. The fact that you got out of it after so long, is a major accomplishment. Good on ya, mate.
Addiction is not a joke people.
This is why I hate to see how casual Lemmy is about drugs and alcohol. Some actually brag about posing while high or drunk–and then get a shitton of upvotes for it. They don’t realize how quick it happens. and how addiction doesn’t care who you are. It can happen to anyone.
Thank you brother 🙏
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My ADD is far worse than I thought and I should have noticed that decades ago.
What symptoms have you noticed? I’m trying to figure out my own behaviour and would be really interested in your experience
Any doctor, nurse practitioner, etc. should be able to give you a screening test - in my case it was a 20-question form that said at the bottom if you answered Yes to more than 2 questions you might have some form of ADHD. I answered Yes to all but two lol.
Any doctor, nurse practitioner, etc. should be able to give you a screening test
I’ll be sure to have my butler schedule some luxurious healthcare for me.
I took LTO-3 food supplements against ADHD. ADD is thought to be the same mental disorder but with different symptoms, so it worked on me as well, except temporarily, only for teo weeks. Perhaps due to my type of autism of which the types of autism really haven’t been distinguished yet.
So if you take LTO-3 and you notice vast differences in your own behavior, then you have ADD/ADHD.
Here’s what I noticed:
- Vastly less trouble following group conversations.
- No looking down automatically when walking.
- No more lazy body swaying due to low energy.
- Much easier switching to a new task
- Much easier starting a new task
- Less ‘mind weight’ making it…
- Easier to talk
- Easier to pay attention at board games
- Having energy left after 8 hours of work instead of crashing down.
ADD is thought to be the same mental disorder but with different symptoms
Is this true? I thought they did away with the “ADD” label altogether, and it’s all just under the “ADHD” umbrella.
Part of the reason why I was convinced for decades that I didn’t have it was because I lacked the “H”
Is this true? I thought they did away with the “ADD” label altogether, and it’s all just under the “ADHD” umbrella.
Yes. That’s what I mean. They really should drop the H in ADHD and make it ADD(-I/C/H), but ADHD is more popular because of ADD-C being the most common ADD.
I have ADD-I.
None of my hobbies will last as long as I want and thats okay
ADHD, my hobby is collecting hobbies.
I’ve come to appreciate being a jack of all trades
I’m a bitter, angry, mfer and I need to chill out sometimes
Same here. I lose my temper too easily then I get back to normal quickly and wonder why I was so upset.
You are me.
I play shitty passive-aggressive mindgames. When I bleed, scorpions and stinging-flies spawn from the puddles.
Relatable tbh. I think a good part of it was depression in my younger years, but, I used to be an incredibly angry person.
It took a long time for me to accept that the truth is, you don’t get angry about shit you don’t care about. Hard to accept that half the things I’d get angry at weren’t worth it. The other half anger just wasn’t a helpful response. Been a long process of learning to have a better reaction for me.
Yeah I had a lot of issues as a kid too and being angry felt a hell of a lot better than being sad. Eventually it just got exhausting though. I can only imagine how annoying I was for other people to deal with. At least I was never one to lash out at others too much thanks to my mother showing me how it felt to be on the receiving end of that all the time.
Being angry is still basically my default emotional state but it’s at least much less intense than it used to be which I think is a decent achievement considering how much there is to be angry about these days
The realization of how truely alone I am when everything started collapsing after our house was sold and how my parents who supposedly were suppose to love me, don’t love me and how I do have daddy issues because of this and I am not exactly as strong mentally as I thought of myself to be.
