There’s a longer and better version of this that has a fanart of it
I would like to see that.
Edit: Found it!
We’re not twitter, link to sources
https://dat-soldier.tumblr.com/post/186717742297/terrible-character-ideas
I played a Protector Aasimar Barbarian named Krill who was a fairly average scholar who had decided studying wasn’t for him. He heard somebody talking about “Power Word Krill,” and decided that he wanted to learn how to do it. He would basically go along with the party on everything (sometimes a little too quickly, he was hard to kill and often forgot others were squishier), but was absolutely obsessed with finding Power Word Krill.
He was asked multiple times if he was instead looking for “Power Word Kill,” but he really wanted to summon a lot of small crustaceans on demand. Or maybe it would just summon a big one, he didn’t know and was fine with either situation.
That one is amazing, thanks for posting it!
You’d love Ring of the Grammarian
I would love to see the werewolf play the pompous know-it-all: “Um, actually the idea that the moon causes the change is a superstition. It’s a body cycle that often coincidentally matches up with the full moon. People just remember the times during the full moon because of confirmation bias.”
Meanwhile the moon disappears behind clouds and they briefly turn human, “COMPLETE COINCIDENCE!”
My friend played Farmer Bob at a larp. His village had a legend that the chosen one would come from the village to defeat the great evil. When things got bad enough they picked him because he was the only one who was literate at the time, so they figured that was heroic enough.
@its_kim_love @Stamets Shades of discworld logic, right there.
You have no idea. It’s hard to explain, but Bob was a riot.
Oh hey I sort of unintentionally did the monk one! He was raised in a villain’s cult that was was taken down by a party of adventurers. Since he was raised in it he fully believed in the cult’s teachings until the shock of that day, and since then he had been trying to make up for it. I didn’t use the religious aspect, but he had the aesthetic and the repentance, and also the party’s druid had taken him on as an apprentice beer brewer so he even had that European monastic tradition down too
They’re terrible on their own, in an otherwise regular(lol) campaign. Together, as a party, they form something magical
In Pathfinder, as a Tanuki you can take a feat called Teakettle Form that allows you to change into a inanimate object (like a hat) and if you’re a witch you can have your familiar take a humanoid form.
How the fuck did we not get Tanuki in WotR instead of Kitsune? This is bonkers amazing, and better be included if Owlcat does another one.
i really need to find a pathfinder game it has fun sounding classes. do the tanuki have magic scrotum power or do i have to RP that
Convince your GM to let you reflavor “Iron Belly” which gives you a 1d6 bludgeoning attack.
hell yes i gotta look up more mythical japanese tanuki abilities and make sure i can get them
Depending on peasants’ lifespans in this world, the peasant with the midlife crisis could be just out of their teens
Nah. More like early thirties. Average life expectancy in the dark ages was 30 or something, but that’s just because most people died very young, mostly as babies. If you managed to grow up at all, you could reach your 50s or 60s.
One in eight Commoners has 1 hp. I doubt they’d even make it to their teens.
@Manjushri @AllNewTypeFace If you got past age 5, your life expectancy soared.
Anyone who’s had a player who’s “an [X] trying to convince the party they’re a [Y]” is probably having PTSD flashbacks now.
It sounds funny to read about but in my experience players who commit to constantly gaslighting fictional characters are not team players and always willing to spoil the fun of others.
Had a game where the DM and his bestie homebrewed Roy Mustang. The PC was insufferable and overpowered by level 3… shooting fireballs that consumed the entire room in a single attack.
The party, and the group, broke up because they were mad the rest of us didn’t want to live in their power fantasy world
i had a rogue that i claimed to have forgotten the name to each session. in reality, i was playing them under a false identity and hiding from the thieves guild, that was just me dropping bread crumbs. that was fun.
Hear me out: I played with an orc fighter who was convinced he was a mage, and tried to convince the rest of the party of the same thing. He carried a cast iron pan as his weapon, and his spells were “pan toss” and “pan smack”. There were a lot of laughs when NPC’s would be like “you’re clearly a fighter, you’re wearing plate armor” and he’d say it was his spell casting focus.
Heard one on the weekend - a party of warlocks who are all each other’s patrons through the power of friendship.
Ok, this gives me a great idea - a warlock whose patron is his own mlm scheme, he has to sell his shitty “get magic quick” scheme to lots of people to power up. “Just dedicate and focus your energies to the collective and you too can gain godlike powers, share it with your friends and loved ones. Join now and you’ll be empowered in no time. Empower 4 others and you’ll get candle lighting privileges! Reach archeon tier like me and you’ll be throwing fireballs, just 7 short tiers to work through, what better use for your time?”
One of my characters I hope to play some day is a half orc hexblade warlock who doesn’t realize he has magic powers or that he made a pact. His “casting” involves yelling intimidatingly and waving his arms, sometimes throwing certain things.
If anyone asks where he got his favorite axe (which is always conveniently “on his back” when he needs it, despite him constantly forgetting it), he’ll explain that he traded part of his shoe for it.
Any party members that try to explain his pact are met with disbelief or confused facial expressions before he inevitably moves on.
I got a DM to let me play a 3.5e ninja but lie to the party and tell them I was a bard.
A bard who is a wrestling jobber that pretends to get his ass kicked by the rest of the party so they look to bad ass to fuck with.
Throwing a “fight” to a party member is the most badass version of bardic inspiration I can think of
Happy cake day!
Okay DM, I’m going to snort a line and monologue for a few minutes to get the party pumped up.
Ultimate Warrior was… Yeah, I don’t know how to finish that.
Cocaine is a helluva drug; the 'roids probably didn’t help much either.
Crazy part is, that’s not the most unsettling and/or unhinged promo he did.
“If the moon is real how come I always black out when it is allegedly supposed to appear?”
(the moon is up at any hour of the day, it only rises at dusk and sets at dawn when it is full)
