• ᓚᘏᗢ@piefed.socialEnglish
    182·
    3 days ago

    You can be all that with no fear of abadonment. Not having the energy to deal with people’s constant bullshit, just not particularly liking people, not being very good at talking to people and being heard and not taken advantage of- are all more than enough.

    This incessant need by psychiatry to link trauma to abandonment and refuse any other reasoning, has lead to a lot of misdiagnosis, especially in women.

    • 7101334@lemmy.worldEnglish
      41·
      3 days ago

      I’m generally not a big proponent of western therapy in general, so I’m not arguing that part of your comment, I just wanted to say - it’s normal to not be very good at talking to people. Like any skill, it takes practice, which requires accepting that you’ll be bad at it initially.

      • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        1·
        3 days ago

        I did it, I went from socially awkward to people not believing me when I tell them I’m an introvert; “But you’re so sociable and charismatic!”. Gonna be honest, still don’t really want to talk to people. Like sure, I like having discussions and hashing ideas out with an external perspective, and I’m glad I developed the skill. But I don’t want to just, talk to people. It’s generally exhausting.

      • otter@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        24·
        4 days ago

        Ferreal, tho. It’s like she’s implying those aren’t simple, elementary facts of modern life, and judging those that don’t agree with her whinge-as-wisdom, FFS. 🤌🏼

        😶

        • Vinny_93@lemmy.worldEnglish
          11·
          3 days ago

          Any blurb that sounds like sound psychological advice people on the Internet can use to self-diagnose will do

              • otter@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
                2·
                3 days ago

                Yes, I inferred that. 🤓 FYI, being born within a particular decade doesn’t make you a “child of” that same period unless you were school age in it as well. Ergo, “00s kid”. 🤙🏽

                Also, here’s hoping it picks up for ya! 🖖🏽

        • Dale@lemmy.worldEnglish
          22·
          3 days ago

          I’m sorry to inform you that this is not a given and most people do not feel this way. You see more people like this because you spend a lot of time on the internet. You know who else spends a lot of time on the internet? People like me who feel just as shitty as you do. We are not normal. Normal people do not visit lemmy, or know what a Linux operating system is.

          • otter@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
            41·
            3 days ago

            I’m sorry that you feel so comfy with those little lies and acerbic fallacies, genuinely. Currently, isolation is a very real concern for many, if not most modern communities and humanity in general. The causes are legion, and the effects are often globally felt. For example, the entire country of Japan has been suffering from it for so long, they have a fucking word for the “lifestyle”, FFS.

            Also, fuck “normal”. That’s just a word unimaginative mouthbreathers use to neg people with —and there are too many of them in the world already. No need to do it to yourself (or others). 🖖🏽

            • aloofPenguin@lemmy.worldEnglish
              3·
              3 days ago

              Also, fuck “normal”. That’s just a word

              unimaginative mouthbreathers use to nsg

              people with

              Sometimes when I think “why can’t I just be normal???..”, I like to remind myself that there is no such think as “normal” :)

            • Dale@lemmy.worldEnglish
              14·
              3 days ago

              Dearest, you are coping by telling yourself that the way you feel is a fact of life. That everyone feels that way. They don’t, and you can feel better.

  • MehBlah@lemmy.worldEnglish
    7·
    4 days ago

    True enough.

    I never ask for help since doing so earned me punishment of some kind growing up. The worst possible thing that could happen to me is if someone complemented me on something I did and my parents didn’t get any credit for it. So I still am hesitant to ask for help. It has always had a very high cost.

    As far as most people are concerned my parents were fine christians.

    • adhd_traco@piefed.socialEnglish
      5·
      4 days ago

      I also think better experiences help. I.e. telling some friends specifically what you struggle with, they will work with it. And so when in doubt in the future, you can recall the times where asking for help was totally fine with certain people.

        • adhd_traco@piefed.socialEnglish
          1·
          3 days ago

          Hey, I know sometimes you really have no one to talk to and I don’t wanna minimize that. Writing helps, or talking to animals, or, you know just other aspects of life. For me anyway. And I can’t possibly make an all encompassing statement here that fits every situation.

          But things change, and beliefs like “I can’t trust anyone” can change to “I can trust this person with that”, as people show up in life who are different. It doesn’t have to be a friend either, can be a therapist or similar who is different from the rest, where you can actually tell them something. Or somebody in a shared hobby, etc.

  • MasterBlaster@lemmy.worldEnglish
    13·
    4 days ago

    … So that’s what it’s called. I knew it couldn’t just be me. What is it called when one tries not to be this way by reaching out, but finds nobody actually helps anyway?

    • mycodesucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      3 days ago

      Also what’s it called when you consider asking others for help, but you watch everyone in your vicinity do everything in a way that’s completely the opposite of how you would, so you HAVE to do it yourself anyway, or else your OCD will cause you more stress than you’ve supposedly been relieved of?

  • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    5·
    3 days ago

    I don’t really worry about abandonment at all. If anything, I’d be more worried about the opposite. People like me, and want to hang out with me, and I do not have the time, energy, or desire to hang out with most people. I’ve had more than my fair share of clingy, dependent “friends”, and I’m not a fan. Hyper-independent aloofness has definitely spared me many additions to that unfortunate list.

    I don’t disagree that it’s a trauma response, but not always to abandonment (I wish), but often necessity. When you have to do everything, you learn how to do everything, and eventually there’s not much left to rely on other people for.