I have never before seen such a perfect chart
This chick loooves pissing
Soon or later this will be you:
Now we can all laugh about it. So we can long after. But in that moment? You will learn what pure dread feels like.
Happened on my 30th birthday, after all the festivities. Felt appropriate
God I hope someone reads your comment, laughs and accidentally shits and lives the very moment you are describing. Just staring at the face they are now making.
Sitting to pee instantly solves half of these
This chart is for sitting to pee.
Then I don’t see the problem in shitting during peeing.
The problem is your bathroom timeline just changed. That’s a face of consternation because a 1 minute excursion has turned into at least 5 minutes.
Oh, I see. I read my saved articles in the bathroom so it takes me around 184 minutes regardless of what my initial purpose was anyway.
are you imagining this woman pees standing up…?
I am now.
Shitting while pissing is ok, as long as you’re sitting pissing
It’s more a surprise than anything
I imagine it would take a great deal of both mental and physical fortitude in order to curl one out whilst standing tall.
Remember some people need fortitude to shit, some need fortitude not to.
Wise words, though I bet that’s a sentence you didn’t expect to write when waking up this morning.
You never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed. -George Carlin
Or Rotavirus
I would argue that it becomes less of a curl, and more of a spew at that point.
Now add rows and columns for:
- cumming
- vomiting
- bleeding
- menstruating
- dying
And sneezing. Have you ever sneeze-sharted? Worst feeling ever
sheezing
No, add these as new dimensions and make it a matrix so we can have pissing while shitting while cumming while dying
Elvis-Mode?
The hypercube of gross.
Quality shitpost
I think it’s more of a pisstake
According to this, always be shitting and you’ll never have a bad time.
A-B-S. A-always, B-be, S-shitting. Always be shitting! Always be shitting!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention – do I have your attention? Interest – are you interested? I know you are because it’s shit or walk. You shit or you hit the bricks! Decision – have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the turtlehead comin’ out; you think they came out to take a look around? Guy doesn’t sit on the toilet unless he wants to shit. Sitting there waiting to deliver the goods! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What’s the problem pal?
PUT…THE TP…DOWN! TP is for SHITTERS.
Oh my God, is this a script except? I honestly thought you might be insane until the “(to Moss)”
Always be shitting does sound familiar…
I modified Alec Baldwin’s “Always Be Closing” speech from Glengarry Glenross. If you haven’t seen it, it’s good.
Ok, so I just made up always be shitting as definitely being a thing. Damnit. It felt so real.
Thanks for the rec though!
Great movie.
I haven’t seen it, but Bill Burr, Bob Odenkirk, Kieran Culkin, and Michael McKean were just recently in a Broadway run of it. I can’t imagine it being anything short of amazing.
Cool, thanks for seconding. I think I’ll watch it tonight!
You know, it’s kind of funny Jack Lemmon is in it. You think the names Jack and (Liz) Lemmon from 30 Rock are a tribute?
Finally got around to it. It’s great!
Fucking Alex Baldwin is such a baby faced shit! Wanted to slug him!
And not I know who Jack Lemmon was
Oh that’s awesome! It’s a brilliant movie. Mammet is a great writer who went full on MAGA. It’s really unfortunate.
Unless you do it while farting😧
I love that someone took time out of their day to carefully plan and prepare this chart.
Farting while pissing is cool though
you can see the autistic vibrations in the pee stream
the autism leaving my body as i take a piss
don’t forget to keep your autism hydrated and drink the piss
the wat
oh fuck.
i guess I’ll keep that mistake
Is that an autistic thing? That makes sense. I always try to tune the piss stream with a combination of position in the center of the bowl and stream strength. Both affect the sound and i can dial ut in or adjust it to be pretty pleasing sounding (to myself). Its also extremely satisfying to be in the nuddle of a nicesl strong sounding stream and let out a nice percussive accentuating fart. If its a long one i can eve dial it in to harmonize with the piss stream sometimes.
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Wait until you get food poisoning 🫠 hopefully you have a tub beside your toilet.
Oh man, I used to get gastroenteritis every few weeks before I found out what was causing it.
Gastro was horrible. When the astonishingly painful cramps hit you you didn’t know which way the ‘projectiles’ were evacuating from until the very last second.Unfortunately the toilet in my house at that time was in a separate room as the sink and bath. Which meant if I needed to throw up I’d either have to do it in the horrible diarrhea covered toilet or just throw up on the floor.
Decisions decisions.
On the really bad episodes I would just sit in the bath for hours on end so I could turn the shower on to wash the puke and/or shit away.Fortunately I haven’t had an episode in twenty years now.
What was causing it?
Cheap or processed red meat.
Steaks, etc, are fine but stuff like cheap burgers or the packaged sliced meat from supermarkets are a no no.The tricky thing was I could have a cheap burger every day for a week and it would be ok. Or just one the next week and it felt like the world was falling out of my arsehole and mouth.
In the end my doctor instructed me to go on a diet to eliminate different foods and drinks. A month with no caffeine, a month with no fried food, a month with no alcohol, etc etc. It was only when I got to the month of no red meat that it all stopped.
I can still eat red meat but it needs to be good stuff. No mince, no ‘beef’ pizzas and so on.
any idea what specifically about the cheaper stuff does it? sounds incredibly strange for mince to magically make you sick
pissing while pissing
I can fix her
There is literally nothing to fix
Babe, everytime I fart, I piss and shit myself.
“There’s literally nothing wrong with that.”
Maybe they’re a docter
I don’t think it’s healthy for doctors to soil themselves when they fart, either, but I’ll leave it to the experts.
My version of this would have the smiley face in every square.
It’s good to be alive!
it’s all smiles so long as you’re sitting on the toilet, anything involving shitting is never smiles if you’re not on the toilet
Excellent point!
