I read some people who vent on their posts or talk about problems they face in life and the replies they get is, no you are the problem, fuck you.
On Reddit, the only thing that is close to this is when women complain about their boyfriends, they got told to leave them, whatever is her complaint about.
Any explanation?
Disclaimer: I am not talking about my own experiences here, but rather what I read in other posts, my observations could be wrong.
The lemmyverse isn’t huge, but broad.
Unless you give some examples, people are probably going to respond based on what they saw somewhere else than where you were thinking of.
My best attempt at an answer is that lemmy has fewer long-term well behaving residents, so people coming from other platforms because they kept being banned for bad behavior or just kept not getting along, stick out more.
That’s a great point, and it’s an observable phenomenon of people showing up and talking about how they were banned from reddit, and a quick perusal of comment and post history shows exactly why they were banned - because they’re assholes.
I haven’t seen it, maybe you’re the problem?
Same as most of the other commentors, this isn’t something I’ve noticed. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, so it would be helpful to hear some examples. I feel like most of the time people here are pretty supportive / helpful, but maybe I’ve got a skewed perspective?
When I see this kind of thing I lean towards communication skills, emotional immaturity, and impulsivity enabled by just sitting behind a screen rather than being face-to-face with someone.
I’ve seen some Reddit-like behavior here, but thankfully not very much, and I personally don’t engage/respond.
Because I’m the problem?
No I’m the problem!
Because it’s often the correct response.
Yea I’m remembering a post, which i sincerely hope was trolling, where someone was unemployed and played video games for most of the hours of the day and thought it was unreasonable that their partner wanted more interaction with them outside of gaming.
The handful of times I can remember seeing someone complaining about a situation being told they were the problem, it seemed to me that they likely really were the problem.
It’s just like way back in team games, like Dota (the original one, I am old like that). People will always blame anyone but themselves, including their teammates. But in the end the only thing you can improve is your own game, even if that means accounting for other people’s weaknesses.
But it never was something people liked to hear.
People seem to have an allergy to personal responsibility and taking initiative. Perhaps it IS their fault? Or at least, they’re the people in the best position to fix things?
Seconding this. In most situations, the only thing you can change is yourself. If you want to improve things, you’ve got to do the work. Sometimes people think responsibility is the same thing as fault or blame, but, again, most of the time the person able to fix a bad situation won’t be the one who caused it.
yep.
IME people who embrace personal responsibility generally don’t whine/complain that much. those who do so pathologically… absolutely refuse to take responsibility for themselves and angry/frustrated that other people won’t do it for them.
and the pathological people will hate anyone who calls them out. they will seek people who tell them it isn’t their fault and how they are perfect as they are.
The times I’ve said have been because I genuinely thought the OP was the unreasonable one in the described situation.
If your referencing r/relationshipadvice you can just ignore anything you read on there because it certainly isn’t advice.
It’s toxic as fuck and the people commenting are probably incel chain-wanking 4chan fanatics who’ve never had a relationship
I think the niche nature of Lemmy attracts a large amount of ivory tower hipster types.
huh? ivory tower and hipster are mutually exclusive, unless you just meant both types?
every hipster i know hates education and academia. and i’ve never met a hipster academic.
i also identify as academic and anti-hipster. and every hipster i interact with hates my academic approaches towards life.
That’s odd. 100% of the hipsters I know are at least college educated. And there’s a few that have multiple degrees or masters in their fields
Depends on the topic and what its about. Ive seen topics like that here. Any topic about covid vaccinations - only one opinion allowed (you must vaccinate for the good of all) or you are a piece of trash. :)
But most topics are not like that. Maybe politics, I dont follow that since its pointless.
I dunno, I used to see that all the time on reddit, generally in response to posts that all started with “I’m 18 and…”
I don’t see that at all. Perhaps you are just projecting your own issues onto Lemmy at large. I think you need to have a good hard look at yourself and your internal biases and then come back and apologise to all of us.
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Nice work!
It’s a common trait of young people, often young men. I used to be one, guilty of it myself. “You’re the problem” stems from a lack of sympathy, because they haven’t had many bad things happen to them, emotional nuance, because they’re young, and lastly they’re taught to be independent and “solely responsible for their situations.” Therefore it’s extremely frustrating for people like this to care about others because someone who needs care is antithetical to what they’ve been taught, and they’re taking care of themselves so why can’t you, weak person?
I want to emphasize that people like this are not bad people. They are probably kind and caring and everything people should be, but they can’t stand people not taking care of themselves. They can learn, and I suspect most do when they get older.
so if someone keeps banging their head into a wall, and asks me why their head hurts, should i tell them how strong and brave they are and how stupid and mean that wall is for hurting their head like that?
also, who is it that is shouldn’t be taking care of themselves? apart from children or elderly?
You could empathize with them, if they’re open to it then maybe ask why it keeps happening. You could also say nothing if it’s a stranger on the internet. If this person is important to you then yeah, tell better them how strong and brave they are and how stupid and mean that wall is. There’s a time and place for constructive criticism.
Who shouldn’t be taking care of themselves? Everybody and nobody. It’s supposed to work so that if you need help you get help and if you can help then you give help.
ok. give me $5000. I want to buy this thing. I need help to buy it.
no? wow, you’re clearly an awful and mean person who has no empathy!!!
Wow. You need to find a therapist immediately.
do i? or am i simple pointing out the fault of this kind of thinking where a person demands other people treat people a certain way, but refuses themselves to follow the social obligations they demand of others?
but hey, i get in many online people’s words hypocrisy is considered normal and non-hypocrisy freaks them out as abnormal
You 1,000% need to see someone. It’s not even debatable at this point. This thread is a whole case study on why it would be beneficial for you to speak to a therapist.
Unfortunatly I don’t have the means to help you, good luck.
If you want to have a romantic partner in the future then I suggest you figure this stuff out.
according to your logic your failure to help me is your failure as human being. weird how you demand others have empathy and demand they help others, but you yourself refuse to do so when confronted with that demand from a stranger on the internet.
it’s almost like you refuse to behave by the rules of behavior you demand of others.
You clearly didn’t follow my logic.
