That’s why my CV looks so strong:
Director of Internal Audit; Enron Corp. (1998-2001)
Senior Vice President for Risk Management; Lehman Brothers (2002-2008)
Edit: for all the recruiters reaching out, I’m not interested. I’m currently Managing Director for Growth (Europe) at Tesla, and expecting to get a huge bonus after our Q4 2025 sales numbers are final.
I just now realized: someone has the most cursed resume on LinkedIn. I’d expect something in line with this.
Ohh it’d be hilarious to try and find cursed resumes.
However that would mean signing up for LinkedIn and I’d rather repeatedly hit myself on the head with a hammer. The brain damage would be about equal
Weren’t you also the Lead Safety Engineer at OceanGate for a while?
No, that was at Boeing.
Didn’t you also help found that FTX crypto exchange a few years ago too?
I was the lead engineer behind the graphite tips rods at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant and I helped Boeing design MCAS for the 737 max
I see you left that short stint at WorldCom off your resume.
Head of security, Wold Trade Centre, NY, 1995-2001.
- Head of QC for O-Ring production, NASA, Jan 1983 - Oct 1986
- Pipeline Integrity Officer, Exxon Valdez, Oct 1986 - March 1989
- Chief of Security and Intelligence, Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, Mar 1989 - Apr 1995
- Head of QC for O-Ring production, NASA, Jan 1983 - Oct 1986
I think you mean you worked for Morton Thiokol if you were in QC. I know, because I was in rocket component procurement at NASA around the same time, and I remember the contract very well for… reasons…
I see from your resume that you’re good at looking the other way while we make billions. You’re hired.
PLEASE
I ran Circuit City. All of them.
My father actually ran a few when I was little years later we found a box of promotion razor blades in the garage with the circuit city logo on them, along with an apropos tagline “like nowhere else.”
The Social Security Administration certainly can.
But what employer is going to deal with verifying that
Used to be as easy as logging in and typing in the SSN. But that was several years ago, so idk about now.
Okay, fine, but besides them…
Didn’t expect to be jump scared by the abandoned Staten Island shoprite that was used as a set for the fallout TV show on here
Went shopping at Toys R Us and Sears back in December 2025/January 2026 respectively
doubt
I can literally send you dated receipts, although I’d need to remove all sensitive info first haha
I’s just foolin’.
Frys electronics is a good bet too they’re a more recent shutdown that might be more relevant than a blockbuster or toys r us
Yeah Frys folk were a super weird set though so that might not work as you think
Toys R us s still exists though
I went to a Radio Shack a few years back. They still exist as well
Funny enough I saw one at my local mall the other day. Had to do a double take cause the giraffe plushies they had looked familiar
The brand exists, but it’s not the same company.
Does toys r us not exist anymore?
I haven’t seen one in SoCal in a decade or so
Just go to any Macy’s and you’ll find them
Drove by one this morning so they probably just pulled out of a region or something.
The name got bought, and somebody else reopened some. Mostly just a section within Macy’s, but there’s a handful of actual stores.
Except Canada, apparently. That’s the only original Toys R Us left.
I saw it in Canada so that makes sense.
So last year? That’s not too long ago and here I am being called old by others…
Imagine this guy just woke up from a 30 year nap in a cryotube in a desert wasteland
Boy do I have some bad news for you
I’ve been to a toys r us in the last 30 years 🤔
Wonder when they closed then. I don’t actually spend that much time in the united states.
Nah, it’s fine. We have TikTok.
This is a great idea till the interviewer hits you with the “oh cool, my freind Jhonny was also a regional manager there, where were you the RM?”
There were no regional managers named Jhonny. Your friend is a liar and you should cut them out of your life.
North Kilt Town.
I’m from North kilt town!
Me: I was a regional manager of Toys R Us between 1995 and 2008.
Interviewer: It says here on your resume you were born in 1999, and you moved to Australia in 201x.
Me: ummmmm
Exactly, and you wonder why the failed… hiring a 18yo as a regional manger.
no wait, that doesn’t look good…
Did you ever see Doogie Howser, M.D.? I’m like that, except for middle management, and a lot younger. Got my MBA when I was still living in my parents.
“They made a lot of strange decisions before they shut down”
“Toys R Us invested heavily in both time and inter-dimensional travel. As a result I’ve lived a thousand lives in service of the giraffe.”
I like the cut of your jib. You’re hired!
Refer them to the documentary boss baby if your early employment history is ever brought into question
“So tell me, is it a coincidence that all the companies you worked for went bankrupt?”
Well I read the art of the deal, I’m as baffled as you.
That’s why you have to keep it modest at ‘regional manager’, significant enough to be useful looking, insignificant enough so you can’t possibly be to blame for the downfall of the company.
“I tried to save them but… they didn’t listen”
As someone who was a “store manager” at a franchise with only 2 employees (including myself) this is kinda real. I left in 2012 because even in my early 20s I could see the direction things were going because of corporate mismanagement.
Well hey, if it isn’t Mr. Manager of the banana stand
There is a toys r us in Tennessee again.
I worked at a dot com and although I was fairly young at the time I was promoted quickly to management (we had several thousand employees at the time).
When it all came falling down and we were all looking at jobs at the sametime I was being asked by proespective employers “was John Smith really General Manager of customer service”?
The vast majority were customer service monkeys padding the fuck out of their resumes.
That said hate the game not the player. I always nodded and said yes.
Fuck em if they can’t do their own verification work.
I always nodded and said yes.
inadvertently kickstarts Elizabeth Holmes promotion to CEO a job or two later :p j/k
btw curious what the proper verification work is. Thought calls were standard. Maybe pulling tax records if possible?
I’m not an HR professional, by the grace of Jesus, but I believe the proper verification work is stop looking at all my private shit and pay me already.
Yes I was most important manager at Circuit City which closed because the covid and I haven’t worked since. Job please.
RadioShack is still around. Not sure how good it is.
Interestingly, it started as a mail order business in the 1920s, switched to retail stores in the 1960s, and then in 2017 it switched back to an online only / mail delivery business.
Toys R Us too! In Canada at least
There’s still a handful of franchises which retained the naming rights post-bankruptcy too!
