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Wet skin fart noises galore
The simple solution is to be rich enough that you can afford one of those shower room things that shower you from every possible angle.
They is the dream, just a super dank shower and a on demand water heater slightly oversized. The rest of the place could be falling apart and smell like shit and I don’t think I’d care.
Ah yes, the answer to all my problems
Please look away for a moment while I wash my groin.
*butthole
No, 🧐
No, don’t. In fact, wash it for me!
My wife was horrified to discover I wash my ass crack with a face cloth.
How else do you get rid of the bits and pieces?
A bidet
I’m talking about the detritus that naturally builds up during the day.
I learned a new word today.
In biology, detritus (/dəˈtraɪtəs/ or /ˈdɛtrɪtəs/) is organic matter made up of the decomposing remains […] of feces.
[Source]
If you have “detritus” in your ass at the end of the day, you’re doing something wrong, bud.
Not in my ass around my ass bud.
That’s even worse.
Trim your butt hair so it gets easily cleaned in the shower
I’m talking about the detritus that naturally builds up during the day.
That, especially combined with your username, paints a truely horrible mental image.
Now please excuse me while I find a spoon to physically remove the memory of that comment with.
A good wash cloth works wonders.
I spread my ass and arch my back for water daddy
Just remember that water daddy carved out the grand canyon.
I’ll be honest, their comment didn’t make me think shit nuggets and more dead skin cells, sweat and lint.
Even the cleanest butt isn’t cleaner than an armpit.
Even the cleanest butt isn’t cleaner than an armpit.
Words to live by
A bidet with good water pressure
Pre-wash my ass before the shower?
Yes
That’s a poor use of water when a good scrub with the face cloth does wonders.
Is the cloth’s purpose only for your crack or is it a communal cloth? Like, was she using it as a face cloth before the discovery?
After washing yes.
It’s not like I have a dedicated crack cloth hanging from a nail in the bathroom it’s one of the general service cloths.
This feels like a poop knife type situation.
I see…
Erm. You’re in the shower. Use soap + your hands. Also there shouldn’t be larger “bits” there if you wiped properly… Eww
I guessed your user name before I saw it.
With her face.
If you asked me yesterday what the opposite of using a bidet was, I would’ve said I have no idea. But now I know it’s whatever this person is doing
Just get another shower wand attachment. Then you give one person the wand.
If you get the chance go for the second shower head with a larger shower. We love ours even if it’s just one of us using it.
My husband and I designed and (literally) built our own shower. It was a bitch, but worth it because it made us think about things like this. It’s a nicely sized space split with a bath tub and shower. We’ve got a big waterfall shower head fixed at the center of the ceiling in the shower area, then a separate hosed shower head where one would normally place one. Then the other far end of the shower is slightly dryer with no direct water.
Kicks ass for having shower sex. Also great for just shower and/or bath time together to vent/chat in the middle of our work day.
Nice work. I’d definitely have sex in your shower.
That’s super cool. Love the tile work.
Whenever I’m in there showering with my wife, it’s never fun, but it is important. Getting clean while discussing the impact of student loans on our budgets, worrying about politics, searching for hope, and drying off.
We come out better for it, but it’s nothing like what the movies suggest.
Was gonna say, my hubby and I shower together intending to get freaky but we end up talking about deep shit and bonding without a single sexual thing happening.
well someone is going to get pee’d on.
so you got that going for you…
Yeah, but that can happen anywhere at any time.
can happen anywhere at any time.
Alright babe, let me just finish this glass of water.
Mmmm yeah. Baby it’s like rubbing two wet balloons together.
Oh good, I get to be cold and horny and you get to wash yourself and tell me all about what your grandma told your mom over the weekend…imma get out and wait in the bed. Dunno why, horniest GF I ever had, I can’t keep up, but we get in the shower and it is purely platonic. We step out and WHAM, sexy times.
It’s the emotional intimacy, and sharing in something mundane together.
Not “sexy,” but can be comforting and special anyway.
i’ve never had this issue when showering with another person. but then again i also am only showing with my partner for shower sex.
Yeah, I have only had positive experiences with showering as a couple whether sex was involved or not.
If you’re looking for a project…
+6 small pipe clamps (one on each end of the three APSH tube segments)
This setup has lasted through 5 different apartments. Wife mentioned she wished we had a double shower, and hated that we couldn’t set one up in our apartment cuz we can’t drill holes or w/e without owing a ton of money when we move out. Challenge accepted: made a double shower setup using only suction mounts.
One of these days I want to take this idea back to the drawing board and maybe use tension rods instead of suction cups, cuz they DO fail occasionally, which always sounds like a fucking plane crashed into our bathroom, but other than that we’ve both been super happy with it - even solo, having that hot water hit from both sides is peak comfort.
Also when selecting your shower heads and suction wall mounts, put some thought into how easily it will be to redirect the stream: ours aren’t very mobile, and the weight of setup/tubing keeps them kinda fixed at a specific trajectory.
…iirc it was about $100 when all was said and done, but easily the largest chunk of that was getting two matching shower heads - you could probably go a lot cheaper if you find cheaper heads. …or maybe not cuz everything is like 8x more expensive than it was 5 years ago…
How does this help you have sex?
Promotes oxytocin release.
…but real talk, shower sexytimes seem fun and novel early on, but you learn pretty quick that the angles are kinda cumbersome, and the water dissolves the vaginal mucus that lets the slip-slidey-magic happen.
The wins here are 1) utility: we tend to need the shower around the same time, and this lets us use it at the same time without that awkward standing in the cold nonsense the OP’s meme is highlighting; and 2) comfort: in addition to the absence of the standing in the cold nonsense, taking a shower solo and getting that warm water from both sides is like having your own jacuzzi - that shit is relaxing as fuck!
- Intimacy. Showering together and even washing your partners back or legs is super sweet and satisfying, at least to me
I’ve wanted to do this for years, and could never find the right parts to name it work feasibley.
You’ll want to verify the sizes are correct - easiest way to do that is to just pop the shower head off your wall and bring the whole thing to your local hardware store and see which parts are a fit, but, starting at the wall tap:
1/2 in. Brass PEX-B Barb x 1/2 in. FNPT Adapter | $3.43 (x1) Connect this to the wall tap, then attach a section of tubing to it, set in place with a hose clamp.
1/2 - 1-1/4 in. Stainless Steel Hose Clamp (10-Pack) | $17.98 (x1 bag of 10) You can buy them individually too, but a few extra never hurts - these things are super handy. You might want to additionally hit these with a zip tie, which will compress the excess metal back down against the hose: when its fully tightened, there will be a tab that sticks out, which can cut you if you snag on it, especially when your skin is soggy from the shower.
3/4 in O.D. x 1/2 in. I.D. x 10 ft. PVC Braided Vinyl Tube | $17.97 (x1) 10 feet should be just enough - measure carefully before cutting. Also the braided reinforcement is mission-critical: non-reinforced vinyl tubing will get soft with the heat, then balloon and eventually burst.
1/2 in. PEX Crimp x 3/8 in. O.D. Compression x 3/8 in. O.D. Compression Quarter Turn Dual Shut-Off Stop Valve | $22.97 (x1) …I’ve seen better versions of this - you want a barbed connection on all three ports, not the hex nuts like this one has… but those should still do the trick if you discard the nuts and clamp the hose down on the threads. Might need some locktite or something to really seal it down, since spiral threading could give the water a path out.
Power Lock Suction 6 Robe Hook Combo Pack in Clear | $10.92 (x1 needed, but an extra set can help manage the tubes) Mine are a little different, but you want suction cups that have a dual action mechanism like the ones linked. Regular slap on suction cups will fall all the time. These ones will still fall, but maybe like once every couple months. The ones I have are a twist-to-seal mechanism, but I don’t see that model now - but these ones have only failed a couple of times, like once every 6 months. Clean the application site thoroughly so it’s got as nonporous a surface as possible.
From there you’ll need a total of two shower heads and two suction shower mounts. The price of both varies a ton, but I’ll leave model selection to you since there are a lot a features you may or may not care about. You can save a bit of cash if you use the one already installed in your shower, but we forked out a bit of extra cash to get a matching set. Don’t forget to remove the pressure regulators from each one, or you won’t have good pressure from either head.
Okay but how do you deal with your water pressure getting cut in half? Install a water heater pump?
The pressure from the wall is better than you might expect: nearly all shower heads have a pressure regulator inside of it - I’m assuming this is a legal requirement that manufacturers know users hate, cuz they tend to be easy to get at and bright red or blue. So, you’ll want to pop the pressure regulator out of both heads.
Full wall spout pressure divided by two unregulated heads yields plenty on each side.
The issue you might run into is that your hot water will run out way faster than previously… then again, I live in an apartment, so I’m assuming our water heater is the cheapest shittiest one on the market, so you might have better luck on that front.
Reason why I asked is because I’ve tried a dual showerhead before and it sucked ass. It was completely useless unless one of the nozzles was off.
My parents actually have this, or something like it! In the master bathroom shower, there were 2 shower heads with one on a hose!
I didn’t even think to check for a prefab. Just went straight to the local hardware store, grabbed some parts, and rigged it together.
