The pope realized that no just or loving god would let that couch fucker anywhere near any position of power, so he offed himself out of depression.

I don’t think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.

Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN

JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.

JD got over excited by how the pontiff choose to couch his words.

One thing I’ve learned is never try to beat a couch fucker at his own game

Talking to sex pest Jimmy Dilbert Vance is so exhausting it takes 10 years off your life, the Pope didn’t have 10 years left.

Being anywhere in Trump’s orbit speeds up your trajectory towards death like Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Donald Trump is, essentially, a biological version of “The Machine” from The Princess Bride pushed to 50.

Since the pope was only secondarily contaminated, the process was slower, but he was already so close to death as it is.

Fancy papal couches that were unfuckable.

Pope met the antichrist and said I’m outta here.

The pope didn’t thank him

Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.

Butthurt, his hallmark.

because the pope wouldn’t give him his couch

He’s both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more “pro-apocalypse” Pope in place.